nothing gold can stay they told me

leaves are gone. i think i feel new.

2011-12-05T00:04:00.001-05:00

I just realized I've left this hyper-emotional post sitting here as a representation of myself for too long. I'm so far past it now. Things have settled. I've moved (back) in with Joey and it's strange how I never imagined myself as anyone's anything and now I'm perfectly comfortable living with my boyfriend and we have a rambunctious beagle and I have honestly never been happier.

i've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie

2011-09-21T15:33:00.003-04:00

By the request of a certain Shelby E.

I'm sitting in my room in my house. Heard it right, mine. Well I guess my room mate would insist I call it ours. I am still spending so much time at Joey's that I probably didn't need my own place but still it's nice to have a girl sancutary to come to with internet and pumpkin spice Febreeze in the air. This semester is already overwhelming me. I'm taking six classes on top of working my new manager shifts at the store and I am starting my internship soon. A LOT OF PRESSURE. But, I'm doing my best to handle it. Little things like Joey taking the time to make me breakfast before class (his feast featured above) or getting a surprise check from dad to help with rent make it easier. I've had a sudden realization that this is life. This right here. The manic rushing, the stress, the break downs. But also the comfort of sleeping with a boy you love, a bealge pup, lucky charms, finally growing your hair out. Hoping it all goes somewhere. Hope.

silver lining

2011-07-24T16:54:00.003-04:00

There's hardly time for much these days. I feel so busy every second of every day. Summer courses then straight to work. 20 hours of class. 30 hours of work. It's enough to drive one mad. I'm late on introducing you guys to Rocky. He's going on fifteen weeks. He is a big personality. A rockstar. A rocky horror. An angel. An ass hole. He completes our little family. My boys keep me sane. My move in date got switched to August so hopefully when I have my own place and internet I can blog more often. Hope everyone is swell.

2011-06-20T16:29:00.003-04:00

you're the yellow bird i've been waiting for

I had to go to court this morning to show that I had gotten the illegal tinting taken off the windows in my truck so that they would dimiss my ticket. Anyways when I left the house it was a beautiful day. Then traffic was horrible. Then ominous grey puffs off terror came rolling in and sure enough it started downpouring. There was literally no parking by the court house. I had to park in Narnia and then with ten minutes to spare I abandoned my heels and made a full sprint to the courthouse through puddles and patches of soggy grass. Strangers looked at me funny. I feel like anyone running in a skirt and blouse with bare feet would look suspicious. I make it to the court house to find a line thirty people long out the door. Security check. A friendly person in line gently tells me while I'm texting that they don't even let cell phone in the building and they'll make you take it back to your car. I only have five minutes, not enough time to run back to my car. I make a split second decision to throw my phone into a nearby bush and pray it isn't stolen or water damaged by the time I get back. I get past security and race to make it to courtroom D. I'm literally there for five minutes. I show them my receipt from the detail shop that took of my tinting and the judge dismissed my charge. I go outside to get my phone and thanfully in my frustration I threw my phone really far into the thicket of bushes so I had to ninja crawl into them and retreive it. I then walked slowly back to my car not caring I was getting rained on because it was just that kind of morning. I spent the day at my dad's using his internet and eating his rainbow goldfish which made me feel better. I can't wait for tonight because Joey gets off work early so we can spend time together. I hate his new job because they have him working all the time and I just miss him a lot. I'm going to stop here because this is just a lot of girl whining. xoxo

as the flashbulbs burst she holds a smile like someone would hold a crying child.

2011-06-09T14:24:00.006-04:00

Today is my day off! It felt so good to sleep in late but when I woke up I was excited to delve into my new Barnes and Noble purchases I picked up on break last night at work. I got a lovely hand made journal (even the paper is handmade!) way too expensive but amazing Sharpie pens and Palo Alto by James Franco. I am already in love with this book and not just because I am in love with James Franco. It's a collection of short stories and each one is powerful and dark so far. Go pick it up kids, just sayin'. I also feel really good journaling again. I haven't in months and I felt clogged up with things I should have said, ideas I never fleshed out, and thoughts I never penned to the page. I feel an immense relief to be writing again. I was starting to get caught up in the mundane routine of school and work and I wasn't taking any time to check in with myself which really wears on you after awhile.

Hand clap moment: I'm really impressed that I took photos for this entry, it made me remember how much creativity used to stem from sharing my life with all of you and I'm glad to be blogging again!

Sidenote: It's ridiculous how many Tumblr replica tattoos I am seeing around. It makes me not want to get the dream catcher I was planning as my first tattoo. It does mean something special to me but I don't want to look like a generic Tumblr hipster ya know? But I guess not partaking in an effort to appear cool is basically being a pretentious hispter anyways!

Things I really want to do this year:
-Go to a music festival and look like Emma Watson at a music festival the entire time.
-Learn how to play the guitar. I say this every year and I never even try!
-Get myself back on track. I've kind of become one of those aimless college kids who is too concerned with having a good time than doing something productive for their future : / I should get an internship or something I suppose to look like I'm doing something.
-Not randomly stop blogging for months! It sucked!

welshy

2011-06-07T14:35:00.010-04:00

I almost, almost made my goal of getting another post in last week. I was just too tired after work to go the library this weekend. Besides the whole working and having a job part, this weekend was really nice. Sunday morning Joey woke me up to go outside on the porch to eat Lucky Charms while we watched it thunderstorm. Then we watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in bed on the laptop before I had to leave for work. I love mornings like that. They always lead to good days.

Speaking of Joey, we decided we really want to get a puppy together. Joey will probably spend more time with it by default since I work so much and also he is an animal whisperer and all animals love him. Even my mom's evil cat Suka, the mini-panther demon. We really want to get a little Welsh Corgie and uncreatively name him Welshy. I want to adopt from the SPCA though so chances are we won't get a Corgie but I still like the name Welshy. My favorite dog has always been a beagle and those wild wolf/husky mixes but I know we will find a dog perfect for us.

This week so far has been nice and quiet. I've gone running in the morning along the water and I always scare the ducks when I come panting by. I've eaten Rocky Road ice cream at midnight. I finished Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk in two days. I painted by toe nails a color called Blazed. I have strived to remember to notice the little things that make me happy. I restrained myself from clawing my manager across her smug face. Mostly I've been building anticipation for moving into my own place next month. I've been looking in Pier 1 at things I wish I could fill my house with if I could afford their ridiculously overpriced furniture. It's okay though because I have Target and an imagination and I will make my home someplace beautiful. I'm also really excited about my ceramics class starting soon.

I unfortunately got sunburned at the beach but I'm addicted so I'm hoping two days of skin rest and a better attempt at sun screen will have me back at the beach by Thursday. There is nothing like the tired you get from spending a day fighting the ocean. Sea sleep is the most wonderful sleep. My muscles so tired they are almost limp and I'm a little high from being in the hot sun for hours. I dream of sharks. Does anyone else experience that?

high demand

2011-05-29T20:52:00.004-04:00

It's really, really, really not my fault I haven't been blogging lately. I have been crashing at my boyfriend's (okay basically living there) for the past couple of months and he has the worst internet ever! (I'm not exaggerating, it won't work for a week and then decide to work for 10 minutes just to get your hopes up and then crash again. ) I had a few weeks of internet withdrawals but then I just got used to it but I pinky swear I missed every single one of you! I'm home at my dad's for the weekend and I am basking in the wonderful, reliable, wireless. I stayed up all night on my laptop and it felt oh so good. But where have I been? Let's see... I turned 21. I drink far too much wine simply because I can. I am working at a tea shop. Although it's more of a corporate crazed tea shop run by maniacs but I promise I will complain about that later. Everday I am reminded that I am in the most painful stage of trying to become a real adult and realizing it's just not going to happen until I finish college so I am clinging to adolescent and behaving entirely irresponsibly but at least I feel alive most days. I haven't been listening to enough music lately. If everything works out I should have my own place next month with a great room mate and I am hoping it does because I need a place of my own. One day your home isn't yours anymore. It's your parents and it's a safe comforting memory but it's not your home. I love Joey for letting me stay with him so I didn't have to commute so much to school but I need a room where I can leave tea cups everywhere and make random crafts and pen letters. I need to be able to stay up all night searching for music that makes me cry. I feel like when you fall in love you gain so much but you also lose a lot of who you were. If you've ever fallen in love you understand what I mean and if you haven't I assure you someday you will. You begin to feel you are half of a whole and not whole by yourself. It's beautiful and terrifying at the same time. I have just been a constellation of a million different feelings and experiences that I feel one post can't contain. It means a lot to me that you all missed me and I feel so guilty for letting myself fall out of the loop. I will make an effort to walk to the library or coffee shop and mooch internet until I get my own place where it will be mandatory we have amazing wireless : ) I love you all and Aren I apologize for missing your call. Let's plan a night phone date because during the day I am constantly leaving my phone in different places!

p.s. If I succeed at my goal of blogging again before the end of the week you all have to share one amazing song with me : )

boy & baltimore

2010-11-27T10:09:00.009-05:00

Is anyone else completely overwhelmed by how fast the holiday season arrived? On top of trying to finish everything before the semester ends? I think it's A LOT. But maybe that's just me. I do hope all of you had a wonderful turkey day and if you don't celebrate thanksgiving then I hope you had an opportunity to eat too much good food with no guilt. It's fun : ) I've been busy traveling to Baltimore to visit my mom with my boyfriend and all the turkey festivities-sorry loves!

SO there were many requests to expand upon the boy and they won't be denied. This is Joey. His current big beard is in preparation for our ski trip in December but he is quite bearded all the time. I like beards. How did we meet? He was one of my good friend's room mates in her new house. Whenever I would go to hang out with her and she would go to sleep Joey and I would stay up late just talking and watching movies. Flirting occurred. I liked the way he walked around the house in a towel after his showers. I liked how funny he was. I liked how he didn't try and make moves on me like every other boy I've met. So I asked him to go to the beach. He took me to a lake and kissed me. We went to see Scott Pilgrim and drank Razzleberry Peace Teas. I met his family. He met my family. We realized this whole dating thing was going well so we made it official. Every time we are together my heart grows a little more. I wasn't a person who believed in love or anything like it. I was another child of divorce who thought everyone is just waiting to hurt you. But Joey changed that for me. When someone is right you forget about the heartbreak that could happen and just give in. The right person is worth every risk imaginable.

fall leaves and wishful dreams

2010-11-11T21:06:00.004-05:00

{Those earrings I'm sportin'? A gift from my friend Shelby. I luffs her.}

I hate being unemployed. It just makes me stressed. I need to have rent money for next semester, gas money, and just you know-money! I hate how the older you get money becomes such a driving force in every decision you make. I'm at a point where I've been self-sufficient for awhile and I don't like being dependent on my dad again. I just like having the freedom of knowing I can do everything for myself. So yeah, I need a job. END RANT.

However, today was nice. Also gross. I cleaned my room for the first time in a long while and literally my teacups had grown a creature inside of them. Okay it was really just some weird mold I'm assuming but what could grow from a bit of tea left in a cup?!! I feel thoroughly disgusted to have let that happen in my room. I slept in here for who knows how long with those mold creatures camping out in my teacups atop my dresser. Word to tea drinkers: rinse and put your cups away immediately. You've been warned.

The leaves have finally started to really change in my part of Virginia. It's taken forever for it to get properly cold and I feel like I've been cheated of at least a month of proper fall weather. I went outside to do some photos for the first time in a long while. See? Blogging is already pushing me to get creative again. I like having nice, original photos for my blog.

I basically want to bawl and give all of you a bear hug. Best welcome back EVER. Hands down. You are golden. I love your faces. I'm about to go stalk your blogs and see what you've been doing in my absence. Being amazing I'm sure : )

P.S. I know I still need to get my packages sent from the summer (I'm THAT bad) but I've been skint on cash and the post office is insane. It costs me $20 or more to send 4 decent size packages. However, I'm itching to a some small themed exchange. Don't know what it will be. Suggestions?

She comes bearing cupcakes so forgive her.

2010-11-10T20:08:00.008-05:00

(Here are random photos I took of cupcakes. Who doesn't like cupcakes?! Death Eaters.)

HEY.HELLO. BONJOUR. And...I only took French in high school so that's it. I feel so out of practice with blogging that I don't even know what to write. I think I'm supposed to have a point and not ramble? Oh wait, I think I used to just ramble and people were okay with that? I feel like this is my very first blog entry all over again and I'm terribly self-conscious and awkward. At the same time I feel like I'm coming back to my small little home here and it's nice. Really nice.

How to try and fill the gaps...hmmm. Basically what happened was: I went to therapy, I learned more about myself than I ever had known before, I started to believe in myself again, that belief turned into love, I felt really happy, I felt happy enough to be fearless in living, I went everywhere and met everyone, then fall came, and school started, and I was working full time, and then I met a boy and he was sweet and funny and the first person to make me feel like I could love again in a very long time so I made him mine, then I quit my job because it was unfair and not worth my gas money to go, I got accepted into a four year university for next semester, I'm excited to go, I'm going to move out, I need a new job to do that, and things are crazy and wonderful at the same time.

But...I MISSED ALL OF YOU! And lately I haven't felt creatively satisfied. I remembered that blogging and sharing photographs and original thoughts and music with all of you was one of the most inspiring experiences of my life. That's right-my life. I'm that serious. I miss that community of understanding and support and creative vibes. I miss sending postcards and packages. I miss being connected to people all over the country and world. So I'm back. I'm also sorry. I didn't even leave you a goodbye or hiatus post I just fell off the face of the blogosphere. I'm ready to immerse myself back into all of your lives. I'm a better friend than I've been lately, I promise. Pinky swear. Guaranteed. I'm glad to be back : )

Why hello there, remember me?

2010-11-10T01:03:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow I begin blogging again. It's been too long. Far too long.

packages and bleeding hearts

2010-06-23T22:52:00.011-04:00

I think I have turned into a nocturnal blogger. So when I said I was going to blog today I actually meant tonight and really close to midnight so it would only just be classified as today by a hair. I have my habits. They are mostly bad. Thank you for not disowning me.

So you know what the best thing about this whole blogging shin-dig is? Meeting other bloggers. If you're lucky those bloggers might cross over into Facebook friends, and then phone friends, and before you know it they are on a level where you think, "These are totally real friends." Who are they? My real friends? My posse extraordinaire? They are Aren, Shelby, and Amy. You should go stalk their blogs immediately. But not like dangerous stalk because like I said we are a posse and we have craft scissors.

So in between planning world domination and keeping our hipster levels incredibly high we like to send each other packages. Little gifts of love to bestow upon one another. I was lucky enough to receive not one, not two, but TROIS lovely packages. Filled with incense, a variety of teas, soap, the cutest odds and ends of wonderful paper goods, creative images, loving cards, triangle earrings, a floral pendant necklace, a lantern, and a hockey poster that makes me smile every time I look at it. Not too mention the I-want-to-curl-up-on-my-bedroom-floor-and-feel-every-lyric-rush-over-me kind of mix cds. They were that good. I even had to expand my inspiration wall because I felt everything deserved a place of honor.

I'm going to post some more photos tomorrow because I got home late from photography class and my interior lighting isn't up to par with gorgeous natural sunlight so I couldn't get everything to photograph the way I wanted to. This is life sometimes.

I LOVE MY DIRTY HIPSTERS.

p.s. I have a photography tumblr now:
www.kaitandcamera.tumblr.com

she put on a floral frock and ran away from it all

2010-06-22T21:55:00.004-04:00

My neighbors find me insane. I wish our fences were taller.

- - -

Do you remember when I came crashing back in the blogosphere, brandishing my renewal of self and word? I guess I was a little hasty. I DO love you. Each and every mind that chooses to take the time and read my flighty thoughts, I love you. Despite the fact that I love you I've been caught up. Caught up in what? Oh nothing of great importance. Simply life. Life in it's purest form. I've been making mistakes and eating pancakes. I've been getting far too little sleep and watching endless episodes of Supernatural. I've been letting my heart out of its cage and giving it room to beat its wings, quite small and weak from years of imprisonment. Those little wings are growing stronger each day. I've been stalking strangers, begging them to pose for a photograph. I've been out until the sun has risen, I've been far and wide to see people I love. My room is mess and I can't bring myself to care. There is too much to do. Too much to experience. I'm finally putting my youth to good use. I have been reminded by some of my dearest friends that I've been neglecting this little haven of creative connection. Forgive me. I will be back again tomorrow to gush about the wonderful packages I have received with photographs included. Look at that, posting two days in a row? I deserve a cupcake. Red velvet with cream cheese frosting please.

cheeky

2010-05-14T09:10:00.007-04:00

I LOVE NICOLA
I LOVE NICOLA
I LOVE NICOLA

GO VISIT HER.

I don't know many people who are lovely enough to send you not 1, not 2, not 3, but FOUR postcards filled with beautiful words, stickers, and doodles. These are promptly being added to my wall collage. The Banksy one especially made me smile. You are wonderful. A thousand thanks!

This week I have been grade-a-sloth-lazy and completely feeling guilt free about it because I go straight back to school on Monday for summer session. I have been going for long walks, sleeping in late, waking up early, watching junky television, watching hockey games, being depressed by outcome of aforementioned hockey games, and wearing yoga pants and a red cardigan for more days in a row than I am comfortable with publicly admitting. We all need a week like this sometimes I believe.

A large reason for my hermit/hobo tendencies this week is due to the fact that I am beyond fatigued. The worst side effect of my new medicines. But, I mean, that is the side effect I would rather have over any other. I am feeling balanced and centered for the first time in forever. I don't even care if it's a chemically manufactured, false sense of balance wrapped up in a tiny white pill. I needed a relief. I was afraid I might not feel like myself anymore but I'm happy to find that I do. I feel like the old me. The one who used to laugh more, wasn't moved to tears over the slightest complication, and didn't have worry ingrained in every line of her face. It's nice to have her back again. I imagine she's been vacationing someplace with open plains and gardenias this whole time just waiting to come home.

Today I have to go take the truck for an oil change. My dad always know places and people that are going to "cut him a deal" so I'm supposed to get it done for only $19. I asked my dad what if since I'm not his super-cool-deal-cutting-self they don't give me the oil change on the cheap and my dad says, "then you just tell them they can call me." Secretly I would just pay the $35 regular price instead of have them call my dad because as sweet as my dad can be he is a retired Marine and he goes from zero to kick ass in .3948492 seconds. I always think very carefully before unleashing my father on someone. I guess I would compare him to Aslan. Yeah, totally Aslan. (If you don't know who that is then I suggest you go read the Chronic-WHAT?-cles of Narnia.)

I'm up early today. I've already had my cup of coffee with soymilk and raw sugar. I'm meeting a friend for coffee later (breaking my one serving of coffee a day rule.) I should clean my lair (as my family lovingly refers to my room.) I most likely won't. I am happy just to be. Today that is enough.

p.s. Thanks to those who responded to my Teacup Tag. I'm still recruiting until I get a decent amount of folks. I shall keep thee posted!

i'll just read a book instead

2010-05-07T12:29:00.013-04:00

You know those Eggo commercials where people talk about their personal Eggo concoctions? Well I want to be in one and feature my whole wheat Eggo with natural peanut butter, honey, and bananas combination. The world needs to know.

Beside the fact that I LOATHE incredibly hot and humid weather three things I actually enjoy about the summer are:
1) Not caring about your hair. The beach bum look is totally acceptable.
2) Earthy, hippie jewelry. Which technically you can wear all year.
3) Wearing bikini tops instead of bras. I don't know if other people do this but I abuse this privilege during the summer days.

This might be completely creepy but does anyone ever walk past a certain scene/location like a dark alley or a heavily wooded area and think "that looks like a place someone would hide a body."? (For the record I am NOT a murdering psycho I just watch a lot of Criminal Minds and Bones). Every time I go running around my neighborhood I pass this really eerie section of woods with a big cement pipe running through it and a dirty shallow creek and I am always afraid I will be one of those people who was just out for a jog and found a dead body. Sorry I'm weird.

Yesterday was bit eventful. I went out to eat with my sister and her girlfriend (Mexican, fish tacos-so good) and right as I was going to pay it hit me. I left my card in the ATM. Of course. Because I'm THAT girl. The one has a "seriously?!!" moment every nanosecond. Luckily a kind fellow bank member turned it in to the bank tellers but since it's in my dad's name they wouldn't let me get it and they said he had to get it by 5:30pm or they have to SHRED the card and reissue a new one. Of course my dad was at work but these psychotic bank tellers can't keep a debit card in a drawer overnight so he had to get off work early and come get it. I felt awful because I was so careless and I inconvenienced my dad and I was sitting on a red, uncomfortable chair waiting for him to get there and when he did he just laughed. I think my dad is immune to the millions of mistakes I am always making. I'm glad he loves me despite my incompetence.

I also went to my psychiatrist yesterday to talk about anxiety medication. I don't even take Advil for a headaches or Midol for cramps so I was extremely wary about getting on medication but I have been ridden with panic attacks and anxiety for three years now and I am at my wits end. My therapist says it doesn't mean I have to be on medication forever but I need to calm down and be able to process my stress and emotions productively. So I am on mild depression and general anxiety medications. It could take up to a month to feel the effects so we will see if it actually works. Part of me feels like a failure for turning to medication but I have fought so hard to live with this and I can't do it anymore. I don't want to have a constant weight on my chest and a cloud overhead. I want some relief.

Thank your for the warm welcome back : ) It made me feel quite sunny to know I wasn't forgotten.

I have an idea for an exchange (these are just the rage lately aren't they?) It's called The Teacup Tag. A common theme within this community is our love for tea and coffee. I am proposing we create a unique teacup or coffee mug for a fellow blogger. Just purchase a plain teacup or coffee mug and make it something entirely special. If you are interested in taking part state so in a comment and leave your e-mail!

Also, I want to thank my dad for making my week by finding this:

Yes that's right Caribou Coffee beans! If you don't know I am obsessed with the Caribou Coffee chain which is superior to Starbucks by far. I don't live near one and only get a chance to have it when I visit Minnesota so to have some to fresh brew in my house is entirely lovely. I had a cup this morning with soymilk and raw sugar and it was so smooth and perfect. I think I know I am a coffee addict when this following description gives me chills: "Caribou Blend begins with a satisfying heaviness on your palate. Expect a big-bodied, syrupy taste with a clean, snappy finish of savory bittersweet chocolate. Caribou Blend is an inspired merging of sweet, spicy and berry notes for a smooth, relaxing, down-to-earth cup." And I die.

I finished reading It's Kind of a Funny Story and I want you to go read it right now. One of the best books I've read. Ever. I loved it. Currently I am reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac and I just want to write his words all over my walls they are so good. I'm also reading The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath and I think I will have to extend my check out date because it is HUGE.

For now I am going to go bake a cake with a friend. I want to end this post with birthday wishes for my sister. She is my rock.

Oh and I also bought Wet N' Wild nail polish today. I almost refused to purchase it because of the company name (I mean seriously?) but Revlon was about $5 dollars a bottle and skanky Wet N' Wild was 99 cents and you got the second bottle half off so my inner frugalista made me do it. Surprisingly it is good nail polish. I got the colors Undercover and Blazed. Which combines sounds like a movie about a stoner spy. Anyways this entire post I have subjected you to my ramblings so I will end here.

Be well. Be golden.

WAIT! Go listen to Kate Nash's "Mansion" I want to stand in the middle of my city and recite it.

Now I'm done.

return of the prodigal daughter

2010-05-02T22:45:00.008-04:00

I'M BACK!

I hope a small part of you missed me?

Tuesday I take my last exam and then summer officially begins! Even though I go right back for summer semester it's still summer. I think the technical definition of summer involves no school but I do things differently.

I am returning to blogging after a marvelous weekend. I am extending that "marvelous" out like when rich old ladies say "marvelous darling!" I went to Washington D.C. with my sister to celebrate the one point in the year we are only two years apart instead of three (gap between birthdays.) We stayed at a swanky hotel just outside the city with a chandelier and gorgeous Mac desktops in the business center. The first night we went out for sushi (best of my entire life) and explored our surroundings. We looked like big dorky tourists in our matching Minnesota sweatshirts and saying "Oh no she DIDN"T!" constantly but we don't care. Even though we had two beds we slept together like when we were little girls sharing a room and stayed up all night laughing and getting up randomly to sit outside on the balcony and marvel at the constant flow of traffic late at 1 am (I mean seriously, where were these people going?) Saturday we got up early and ate breakfast at this great cafe where I tried kasha which is basically oatmeal that is super creamy and sweet and delicious. After an iced mocha we hopped onto the metro into the city where we visited the Museum of Natural History, Museum of American History, The National Gallery of Art, and the aquarium (which was a bust but we got cool turtle bracelets regardless.)

Oh and I wore my Montreal shirt and SO many tourists from Montreal shouted "GO HABS!" (hockey) at me as I walked by. Then I felt disgusted because the Habs just eliminated my team from the playoffs. But Montreal and everyone there I still love you. Just after hockey season : )

I would include museum pictures but it's a lot of pictures of animals (I loved the mammal exhibit okay!)

On top of a wonderful weekend I have been a lot happier and in a better place. Therapy has been such an amazing experience thus far and I am excited with how much progress I've made in regards to my self destructive thought patterns. It's not that I don't still have them but I don't let them overtake me. For instance this post contains a lot of food pictures because I can actually enjoy food and not feel like jumping off a bridge for eating pizza. In fact I ate pizza this weekend. With pancetta. Which is just Italian bacon. I am changing and living and it feels SO good. I am glad to be back and sharing it with you and catching up on all your lives. I have missed this community and the beautiful spirits that share their lives. Let's make this summer something to write about, deal?

I just bought the new Kate Nash cd (finally!) I had to wait to get paid. I'm off to listen to it as I lay in bed and try to fall asleep. If I fail at sleeping I will read It's Kind of a Funny Story which I recommend.

Whether it's day or night where you are while reading this may it be everything you want. Quiet with tea or loud with friends. Whatever you please.

2010-04-05T14:21:00.001-04:00

“The weather was growing ever warmer and the earth more resplendent, it was covered with a thick, blossoming carpet of meadows, the fields and pastures were steaming, the forests offered an enchanting sight with their beautiful, fresh, rich green. All of nature was presenting itself, expansive, stretching, curving, rearing up, whizzing and rustling and buzzing, fragrant and motionless as a bright beautiful dream. The land had become perfectly fat, lush, opaque and glutted. It was lolling, as it were, in voluptuous surfeit. It was green and dark brown and flecked with black, white, yellow and red, blossoming with hot breath, almost perishing beneath its profusions of blossoms. It lay there like a luxuriating, veiled woman, immobile, shifting her limbs, perfumed with scents.”

The Tanners by Robert Walser

- - -

First I want to say to everyone who left comments on my last dramatic rant post-I love you. You guys help immensely when I am feeling like burnt, crumbly toast. Second I want to say I am going to be taking a little bit of a hiatus. Most likely just until the semester ends. I'm just a wee bit stressed with school and work at the moment. I'm also starting therapy and really taking some time to delve into my issues. I just turned 20 this weekend and I am not willing to spend one more day of my life not believing in or loving myself. I'm ready to heal and move forward on a positive path. I just need to take some time to figure myself out. I want to keep my blog a creative, positive place and lately I feel it's been plagued by my rainy day moods. This summer I am taking a photography class and I will have time for bike rides and fresh fruit and be in a better place to share something worthwhile with you guys. Thank you for being so supportive and caring. I will be back and ready to rumble...er blog.

You are all golden. Never forget that.

(image credit)

2010-03-26T18:10:00.004-04:00

one . two

I am a storm.Just raging away.

I feel like I have nothing worth saying.
I feel like I try hard to be good and kind and honest and at the end of the day it gets me nowhere.
I believed in karma and education and fair play.
I believed.

I have headaches and exhaustion.
Ailments of my own making.
I sleep too much.
I stay inside a lot.
I went outside once this week and the sun burnt my nose.

I miss so many things all at once.
It's a new kind of pain.
Human bodies aren't built for that much missing.
That much regret.

I want to rise above.
I want to be my former self.
I would settle for a fragment of her.
I fear she's gone.
She won't turn back.
She has gumption.

I am overwhelmed by what I can't seem to do.
I can't love.
I can't connect.
I can't feel properly.

I can cry.
I can be alone.
I can hide.

Those things don't make a life.
I'm not sure what does anymore.

live in colour

2010-03-12T12:47:00.010-05:00

one. two. three

I have this new obsession with avocados. I blame the grocery store for putting them on sale. Somehow in my mind I have classified them as a breakfast food and every morning this week I have had half an everything bagel with plain cream cheese and avocado. It is delicious. I suggest you try it. Although according to my friends and family I eat strange food combinations regularly so maybe this only sounds appealing to me? Oh well, more avocado bagels for me then.

I have a job interview at Subway today. I'm not getting a lot of hours at my current job and with the summer coming up I am going to have more time to work and rake in the cold, hard cash so I want something that will offer me more time to work. I don't think I'll get it because I might subconsciously sabotage the interview due to the face that 1) I HATE working in the food industry, 2) It's the Subway in the mall and I don't like the mall and the preteens who hang out there 3) Some days I can't do the whole "customer service" routine. I'm moody and apparently you can't get an attitude with paying customers. BUT, I do love Subway and I heard if you work there you get a free 6 inch sub everyday and I mean a free veggie sub everyday? Kait like.

I don't know if it's the spring fever in the air or what but I am feeling annoyingly optimistic lately. It's a nice change. I want to go walking in the park, drink ice cold lemonade, ride my bicycle on a breezy day, read a book in the shade, listen to Carole King in the sunshine, wear out my library card and watch Gilmore Girls everyday. Life and seasons change and for once it doesn't scare me.

I am feeling very Food Network lately and my goal is to cook a great meal once a week. This week I did vegetarian chili and it was SO good. Even my family who are serious carnivores loved it. I've had it probably everyday this week for lunch because I didn't expect the recipe to make such a big batch. At least it was a big batch of deliciousness. I'm thinking about starting a recipe/food blog. If I do I would definitely call on you guys to be contributors : )

I officially want to say goodbye to winter. I love thee. You were especially good to me this year with freak snow storms and especially crisp, cold air. Until next season dear friend.

My new header is a photo I took for an ad for Twinings tea in my communication design class. I'm doing a print ad for magazines and I'm still fine tuning my tag line and what fonts I want to use. My teacher really liked it and she talked to me about what career I wanted to go into and I told her graphic design. She thinks I should pursue advertising design because I have an "eye" for it. I'd never considered going into advertising but I do love this class and the whole science behind advertising is really interesting. Although at the same time I hate advertising at times for what it does to society but some companies I really respect for their ads like Dove, Mac, and Starbucks. Anyways just something I've been thinking about and probably just bored you with.

I want to know:
Will you miss winter or am I the only one who likes the cold?
Will you try my avocado bagel idea or did you gag a little reading about it?
Do you mind my habit of random questioning?

You know I think you are the coolest kids in town : )

2010-03-08T13:42:00.002-05:00

Shelby and Amy sent me wonderful pick me ups. Shelby gave me an ENTIRE box of earl grey tea, some Hershey's kisses (which I devoured upon arrival), kick ass stamps, a patch begging to be stitched onto a cardigan, and great beads. I'm thinking of putting the ladybug one onto a bracelet for good luck! She also drew me the cutest Harry Potter snitch picture but it's on my wall and my camera battery died before I could get a picture of it. But trust me it's cute! Amy sent me the coolest teas I have never heard of/tried before and she got them from a tea shop (sounds like my heaven) and I can't wait to try them! We are out of honey at the moment but as soon as we get some I'll be brewing all my new delicious teas! That Where the Wild Things Are card is going on my wall after this entry. I loved it. Thank you both so much!

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This past week was filled with so many emotions. One moment I was happy being with my family playing Scrabble and the next I felt like curling into a ball and crying. I haven't even really processed everything because I feel like if I let myself feel the gravity of everything I could cry for days. I'm glad I got to see my uncle and hug him and let him know I love him. My mom called me this morning and told me he's going to be sedated today so he can pass away without any pain. It's just hard to stomach that diseases and sickness are allowed to exist. There is enough pain in the world without all of this.

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While it was a very emotional trip it was also one filled with family and love. Me and my sister had a lot of great bonding time traveling together and I got to see my grandmother and cousins. I went to Caribou Coffee every single day which eclipses Starbucks in my opinion. I miss their java and cranberry orange scones already. I had an earl grey latte that knocked my wool socks off. Seriously. They had the cutest wall titled "What do you wake up for?" and people wrote responses on post its and put them up there. Some of my favorites were: "Hockey! Hockey! Hockey!", "Someone has to be stay up to protect my family from a zombie attack.", and "Edward Cullen. Duh."

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Now that I'm home I have to finish a take home midterm I had zero time to do over break and try to remind myself that school and everything is still important when I feel like running off to just experience everything and live every moment being unafraid and doing whatever my heart desires. I also got a job! It's a miracle. I'm working at an athletic shoe store and it is so chill. I basically just stand behind a counter all day and go get shoe sizes for people. They only drawback is I don't know a lot about Jordans and Air Force 1's and all those hip basketball shoes that people wear even though they don't play basketball. They have names that sounds like airplanes like Fusion 8's. Hopefully I'll remember them all in time. Probably not.

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Thank you for all your positive thought and sweet comments. They really did make me feel better. You guys are amazing! I can't wait to catch up on everything going on in your lives : ) I'll leave you with a questions: What do YOU wake up for?

2010-03-01T00:46:00.003-05:00

I'm so sorry for being an awful blogger. My Uncle Jon is in his last few days of life and this week has just been so hard. I'm taking a break from late night laundry and packing to type this quick entry. I fly out tomorrow morning to Minnesota and I will be gone for a week. I'm scared because this is just all so intense and heartbreaking and I just feel overwhelmed but I know my feelings don't even compare to what his wife and children must be feeling. Death is the hardest part of life.

Amidst all this hardship thank you to Amy and Shelby for sending me wonderful packages to make me smile during a very tough week. I will post about them upon my return.

I hope you are all well. Remember to show love to those people you hold close every chance you get because we only have a flicker of time to make it count.

2010-02-22T03:51:00.012-05:00

I want to send a shower of owls carrying thank you cards to Aren who was my secret blog package exchange buddy orchestrated by the marvelous Shelby. It was a top notch package. I didn't even leave the post office parking lot before ripping it open. Cookie mix, tea bags, a Bjork cd (which I LOVE), poetry, candles, recipe cards, adorable pins, and a card that really helped me get out of my dark mood. This package was like an anti-depressant for me. Thanks girl!

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Speaking of anti-depressants, I went to the doctor on Friday and he suggested I should try them on for size but I just can't. I'm not against them and I know a lot of people who have benefited from their use but it's just not for me. I told him I would rather have a referral to a therapist. I'm a talker, an analyzer. I just need help learning to accept some of the darker parts of my life and not let them overtake me. Plus I am not an unhappy person...all the time. Usually I can stay focused on all the great things in my life by ignoring all the painful parts but ignoring them doesn't mean they aren't there and they resurface at moments with a strength I have no chance against. All I want is someone to listen and tell this might be the way life is but I'll survive.

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After a horrendous beginning to my week the 18th rolled around and you know what that means? Well you might have forgotten but it was Tegan and Sara show time! It was a fantastic show. The set list was long and filled with their amazing new material and all their older highlights. Even an acoustic version of their collab with Tiesto! At one point I teared up because Tegan gave this heartfelt little speech about how much she appreciates the fans and how lucky she feels and ahhh-so emotional. My sister and her girlfriend say they love going to T&S shows just to see the look on my face when Tegan comes on the stage. They equate it to a child at Disneyland. We all have the things we obsessive fangirl over-don't judge me. Steel Train opened for them and they were beyond amazing. They put on such an energetic live show. When they played "Firecracker" I totally thought of Amy because she loves that song. I will definitely be purchasing their album pronto.

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This weekend was great. I spent it watching the Vancouver Olympics at Kayla's house. I seriously just stayed the whole weekend and we ate pistachio ice cream and peppery scrambled eggs, cheered for Apolo Ohno, and made sure to watch every curling game (we are obsessed with it.) I also went to the library because it has been too long. I scored some serious swag. I got some promising new fiction reads and checked out There Will Be Blood (SO good), The Royal Tenenbaums (obviously), Rachel Getting Married (Anne at her best), and Revolutionary Road (Leo+Kate=most dynamic on screen duo ever.) Then I got a Big Gulp from 7-11 and came home to curl up in my dad's bed and watched them all. It was perfect.

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We finally had a beautiful day yesterday that gave me hope that spring is actually on its way. As much as I love winter the random snow that has filled February has been a hassle. I am ready for some nice days. I spent the entire day outside in my backyard reading. I took a striped sheet, some pillows from the living room, and lounged outside for hours. Sunday night I went to a two year old's birthday party and ate Diego cupcakes and played with Play-doh. So this series of positive events has been one long strand of silver lining : )

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I randomly picked three bloggers for my pay it forward packages inspired by Natalie. I know there are online generators that will do the random selecting for you but I didn't know where to find them so I put all your names on a scraps of paper, folded them, and put them in one of my moccasin slippers and shook them around. It was just as effective in my opinion. Here are the lucky bloggers:
1) Scarlett
2) Lauren
3) Natalie

I'm excited to send packages to you lovely ladies. E-mail me your addresses at kaitbegreat at gmail.com please!

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I want to thank you all for your comments on my last post. It helped a lot. Also thank you to my new followers!

Be well.

2010-02-16T22:14:00.011-05:00

I want to start off with a BIG thank you to Natalie for her pay it forward package. I came home to a box filled with a piggy bank (whom I have lovingly dubbed Petey), a travel journal, a bird candle, delicious candy, hot cocoa lotion and a beautiful card. Thank you! I would like to continue to pay it forward by randomly selecting three bloggers to send packages to so if you would like to be considered leave a comment on this post!

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It seems so long since I last posted and I suspect that is because well, it has been. This weekend I made my first road trip alone which is a big deal for me because I am a spaz driver. I made it safely to my best friend though so applause for me : ) Of course I had a wonderful weekend, I mean, I was with my best friend-it's a given. We shoveled snow with kitchen ware, danced with glowsticks, got my truck stuck on ice-twice, somehow ended up watching Mad Money, and talked about the things we only share with each other. I was so sad to go but I'm already planning another trip to see her so that helps the whole missing her insanely.

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The only drawback to having a few days of feeling completely understood and accepted is coming back to reality and realizing things are just hard here. I have not felt like myself this week. I can't even describe what's going on within me. Monday I literally spent all day in bed crying only getting up to go to class where I sat there counting the minutes until I could get home and crawl back into bed. Today I woke up feeling just as alone. School was hell. It felt like such an effort to even interact and everyone kept questioning me, noticing the change. I could barely answer, "Nothing" without letting tears spill over. I went to the bathroom and locked the stall door and just cried. I have never felt this low. I just feel like I am trying so hard and still I'm not "happy enough" for everyone. My facade is wearing thin. Everyone can see my cracks. I'm not covering my bases. I'm crumbling. I'm falling and I can't stop myself. My dad is worried and that makes it worse. I don't want him to worry. He found me yesterday laying in my bed with my coat and shoes still on, I couldn't be bothered to take them off. I had to tell him over and over again I was fine so he would leave. Is it wrong that I feel relieved when I pull into the driveway and see I'm home alone because I know I won't have to force a smile to placate my family?

When I'm alone I'm free to fall apart.

My Uncle Jon is losing his battle with cancer and I feel so sad and selfish. I wish I could give him my youth and my life because I am just wasting it.

...I'm waiting on some silver lining.

2010-02-05T22:56:00.008-05:00

tea
peppermint
earl grey
breakfast
green
chai

what is your favorite?
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I just want to say I spent tonight listening to an awesome mix cd from my awesome pen pal Cara while making packages for her, Amy, Lina, Nicola, Shelby, and my secret package exchange blogger who's identity I have sworn not to reveal. Seriously Shelby made us mail her a drop of our blood which served as a binding agreement that we would not tell.

Kidding : )

I am glad I finally had time to relax and be creative. I think the great thing about making and sending little surprises to each other is that you have so much fun planning what your going to make/send and and you know how much it means to the person receiving it because you yourself have had a day made better with the sight of a postmarked package or letter from a blog friend. I love how even though we have never met face to face and we live in different states, countries, and continents we are still connected and invested in each others lives. Bottom line: You ladies are aces.

This weekend I need to do some serious homework. Reading out the ying yang. It's hard having classes this semester that require more textbook work. I am so out the habit of reading and taking notes and preparing for tests. I am still in serious art mode.

Things going on in my life lately? It snowed again like crazy today but didn't stick because it rained right afterward. Who knows if it will freeze or snow again tonight. The winds sounds gnarly outside my window though. Yes I just used the word "gnarly" bro.

My dad's girlfriend is so annoying that I cannot be in the same room with her for more than five minutes. This makes things awkward. One of my main complaints is that she sniffles constantly. I can tell shes at the house when I come home because I hear the sniffle. It's like Umbridge's "hem hem."

I need a job bad guys. Because you remember when I said I dropped my design 2 class. Well here's the thing- I dropped after the refund date so I couldn't get the money back. So I am kind of hiding it from my dad that I dropped it because I feel guilty. BUT I am determined to get that money (hence the job hunt) give him the money and when he looks at me quizzically I'll enlighten him, "Oh remember that class that made me feel like I was going to throw up every time the teach spoke to me. I dropped it. Here's the refund." I know this is a very shaky and bad plan but it's going okay thus far. I just don't want my dad thinking I would drop a class like one of those slacker college kids that don't care if they make poo grades and drop classes and waste their parents' money. I really despise those kids.

Besides that I have been drinking alot of peppermint tea (a new favorite), obsessing over things I want to buy from Barnes and Noble (stamp set, "be calm and carry on" swag, and beautiful cards) and sleeping too much. I swear sometimes I feel like the human sloth.

Hope everyone's week went well and have a relaxing or productive weekend. Whichever your schedule permits. I'll cross my fingers for relaxing : )

image: tumblr.com

2010-02-01T23:46:00.003-05:00

It feels like I haven't blogged in such a long time. I'm sorry! The past week has been SO stressful. I made a decision for my sanity to drop my design 2 class. The teacher wanted us to redo the first project for the THIRD time and most of us had to redo the second project again as well. I know a lot of kids in the class and they are truly great artists and she was even making the best ones redo the assignments. While she did try to give constructive criticism most of the time she was just flat out rude ("I don't like this at all.") and really just negative. I was so stressed out that I got sick and I never get sick. I weighed my options and thought I could either spend an entire semester miserable or just take it this summer or next fall with another instructor. Just clicking "drop this class" made me feel like an elephant got up from sitting on my chest.

So I was sick and useless the entire week surviving off a diet of tomato soup and tea and sleeping every minute I wasn't in school. Just as I was feeling better on Friday and excited to get out and about we got slammed with snow and I was trapped inside for the weekend. We usually don't get enough snow to be newsworthy so when it does rarely happen everything gets shut down and no one attempts to clear the roads at all. The first day was insanely fun. I spent it trekking around the entire neighborhood with my sister and her giff having a massive snowball fight. Then we made pb&j sandwiches and watched Disturbia. Now the snow has melted and refrozen to ice and the roads are a mess. But school was canceled today so I'm not grumbling.

The fantastic Amy sent me a postcard! It was such a nice pick me up right in the middle of an awful week of being sick and stressed. Nothing makes me grin like getting a postcard. Thank you! I seriously love this girl.

I wish I was more exciting. February is going to be a good month though. I will be going to visit my best friend and going to see Tegan and Sara. Three ladies I love.

I hope all of you are well. I can't wait to catch up on all your blogs!

2010-01-21T22:14:00.003-05:00

For my communication design class we have to create an ad to be placed in certain magazines for the potato (yep, the potato) and I got assigned Martha Stewart (luckily, since I read it...yeah I forget I'm 19 sometimes.) Anyways my client was Idaho Potato and I did an add/promotion showing that the potato can be gourmet with my amoeba potato pizza (it just wouldn't get perfectly round!) It was odd having to cook for a design class but any images used had to be original so if I wanted a photograph of a potato pizza I had to make one. It was really easy because I bought the basil pesto and dough pre-made from Trader Joe's. The only work involved was cutting the red potatoes very thinly. I used a wine bottle for a rolling pin and a toaster oven versus a real one. Martha would scoff. When I'm finished with the ad I'll try to remember to post it!

My new design 2 class is stressing me out. My teacher reminds me of Maya Angelou but with some spice. She is very blunt and critical and has extreme time lines. We had ONE day to do our first project so I had no option but stay up ALL last night to work on it. I don't complain when my all-nighters are self-inflicted but when they are forced I'm not happy. So after slaving away all night she told us that she wasn't extremely happy with any of our designs and the entire class has to start over or re-work their design this weekend. Lovely.

Even with lack of sleep today was still good. It was grey and drizzly. I wore my bright red pea coat. I listened to Death Cab on the drive to school. I got two cups of coffee from the automatic machine. I had a big bowl of tomato soup. I took the longest nap with That 70's Show playing in the backround. Sometimes I woke up to laugh at Kelso.

This weekend is going to be filled with homework and projects but right now I am going to go watch Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

Be well.

2010-01-18T14:09:00.003-05:00

i love design.
1) Tegan and Sara Canadian tour poster by the ever impressive Emy Storey. I idolize her.
2) A nugget from the Kitsune Noir Poster Club. A modern reflection on Thoreau's Walden.
[click to fully appreciate]
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i love words.
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.">Henry D. Thoreau
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i love life.
So after kind of a rough weekend, full of some disappointments and harsh realities I woke up this morning to check my email and the computer design instructor had emailed me back to say she would let me in the class! So now I am taking four classes and I am staying on my degree track! Makes me want to fist pump for joy like I'm living on the Jersey Shore. This week is going to be a whirlwind because I have three new classes. I had to switch and leave my 80's throwback professor for another Design 2 class so I could fit the new computer design class in my schedule. I'm sad about that but I had to : ( The only class I've kept the same is my history of photography. The email from my new computer design teacher was very McGonagall. It was curt and efficient letting me know I would have to work to catch up as they have already begun a project. She ended with, "I will see you in class on Tuesday." I don't know if it's because I am rereading the HP series right now or because I am just THAT much of a geek but I relate everything back to Harry Potter. It might be annoying at this point. I can't stop. Sorry.
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So basically all new teachers. I'm nervous but happy that everything ended up working out. I'm glad I didn't let myself wallow. I'm glad I did everything I could to get into new classes. I'm glad I didn't give up. It just goes to show the only way you can fail is if you stop trying. As long as I am trying. I am succeeding.
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I told Amy I would steal this idea for my blog and I am. Here is what I believe:

I believe in hanging Christmas light in your room year round.
I believe in wearing moccasin slippers as shoes.
I believe in waking up early when everything is still.
I believe in hot cups of green tea.
I believe in fighting for self love every single day.
I believe in crying until you are dry and ready to face the world.
I believe believe in second chances and third ones.
I believe in a fighting spirit.
I believe in Harry Potter.
I believe that there is something bigger than this.
I believe in sisterhood.
I believe in the power of the written word.
I believe in reading until the sun rises.
I believe in library cards.
I believe in family, no matter how broken it may be.
I believe.

What do you believe?

2010-01-17T04:16:00.006-05:00

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Today started as a bad day. Education becomes a hassle when you have to pay for it. I have to put off my photography classes for the summer. I just can't afford the supplies right now. Insert major pouty sadface here. With the camera and extra supplies I was looking around near a grand and I mean I'm not P. Diddy. I can't even rain pennies. I let my thoughts turn dark.
"Why can't anything ever work out for me?"
"What's the point in trying when everything goes wrong?"
"I hate my life."
"I hate school."
"I hate that cloud flitting across the sky."
"Die cloud."
I came home and flopped down on my bed, boots and all, and I just cried. I curled up tightly in a ball, pulled the covers over my head and let all the stress and sadness of the last few days rush out of me. I let myself wallow for a bit but then the little fighter inside of me started piping in.
"Okay you can take them this summer."
"It's not so bad, just a different plan."
"You can work this semester and save."
"I bet you can still squeeze into another required class."
After a few moments of rallying inner dialogue I got up, grabbed my laptop, went to my school's website and checked if there were any other of my required classes still open. A marketing one was available. I signed up. A computer arts course I needed was full but I emailed the teacher to see if she could waive me through. I was being proactive. I wasn't letting a set back derail me. So now I am taking three classes instead of four (cross your fingers I can get into the fourth.) I am making it my goal not to give up on the job hunt. I'm going to get a job. I'm going to save. I'm going to take those classes this summer. I'm going to graduate. I am not going to give up on my goals.
Be positive. Be active. Never give up.

photo credit>jackson eaton

2010-01-15T00:59:00.008-05:00

Some days I wish I was Mary Tyler Moore. I grew up watching her show along with Laverne and Shirley, Happy Days, and Sanford and Son. Nick At Nite was infinitely cooler when I was a kid.
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It's been quite a stressful week trying to get back in the swing of school. This semester I am going to try and be better about posting some of my work on my blog. But you know how swamping school work can be. It's hard to make time for the simple pleasure likes blogging : (
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Classes: Herbology (Greenhouse 3), Transfiguration,...oh how I wish! That's my schedule inside my head. My schedule in reality: fundamentals of design deux, intro to digital photgraphy (I have to get a DSLR-I'm excited!), digital imaging (color correction with Apperture and Photoshop), and history of photography. My schedule is challenging since I know zip about HXC cameras and I'm going to have to learn from scratch but hey, that's why it's called "intro."
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Professors: My FD2 teacher reminds me of the dad from Honey I Shrunk the Kids. He has that whole big glasses and patterned sweater look going on-I dig. I feel compelled to give him a hug sometimes during class. I think this indicates he's just a nice person? Or I'm just a weird person? I have one of my favorite teachers from last semester for intro to digital photography so I feel comfortable and safe with her. She won't lead me astray! My digital imaging teacher is cray cray (definition: crazy-it's my lingo.) She is loud and funny but at the same time extremely intimidating because she is so experienced in her field. She is like a lioness. I predict this is going to be my toughest class. My history of photography teacher is your typical college professor: older male, khakis, leather loafers, knit sweater, hip glasses, beard, monotone voice for lecturing. He seems a little stodgy but sweet nonetheless. The first day of class he looked at me and said:
"What is photography?"
"Writing with light." I answered.
"Very good! You get an A!"
I felt very Granger in that moment : ) My digital photography teacher actually told me in our class that the word photography comes from the greek words photos (light) and graphos (writing) so its literal translation is "light writing" or "writing with light." I just thought that was so beautiful so I remembered it and I'm glad I did!
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Thoughts:
>Avatar was amazing. I really loved it. I want to step inside James Cameron's brain for a day. The fact that he envisioned a film like this-cray cray. I was nervous about seeing it because I read this article about how over 1,000 messages were posted by people who reported being really depressed and suicidal after seeing it because they wanted so badly for Pandora to be real. But then I realized they are delusional. I believe in real places like Hogwarts.
-I want to start putting my library card back into some serious use. It's been too long since I've been.
-I tumble now. Go check it out here. If you have a tumblr let me know so we can tumble together! (Sorry if that sounded inappropriate...)
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This weekend I plan to crack down on all my assigned reading, create a 3D lantern, finish some gifts for stellar bloggers, and run around like a maniac trying to get all my supplies for my classes. Have an adventurous weekend my friends.
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Note: I started another blog. At first I didn't know if I wanted to make it private or share it with anyone because the subject matter is not uplifting or upbeat. It's about body issues. Disordered thoughts. Things unpleasant. I didn't want to share it but then I thought of all the times I have felt so alone and insecure and a blog or youtube video of someone who was going through the same thing made me feel like I wasn't utterly alone in this battle. I know so many people struggle with disordered eating habits even if they don't have a full blown eating disorder. It's something I've struggled with for years and I want to try and find some peace within myself this year. This blog will be about my trials, failures, and efforts to get some normalcy in my life. It's a purely selfish blog but I just wanted to put it out there so if someone who reads my blog harbored the same disordered thoughts-they would know they are not alone. So this is for those people. Everyone else can disregard and keep visiting me here at Wild Tendency where things usually stay a little more positive : )
I love you all. Remember to love yourself.

2010-01-12T09:28:00.008-05:00

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This isn't a fashion blog. Don't think I'm going vapid on you but when I was first at university my major was fashion merchandising. The shallowest part of me loves clothes. I ended up changing my major because as it turns out learning about home goods sales and trend cycles made fashion b-o-r-i-n-g. The only class I ended up enjoying was my computers for fashion course where all we did was design with Photoshop. I left the university, changed my degree, and the rest kids is history. Fashion is fun again-yay.
>>
A few of you asked my thoughts on Youth In Revolt. I must say I really enjoyed it. Was is groundbreaking? No. But it still made me laugh heartily because I'll let you in on a little secret: I love dirty boy comedies. So the sexual humor was not wasted on me needless to say. Michael Cera was cast as his usual virgin-who-wants-one-girl-SO-bad role but I mean hey, that is his niche and he works it like no one else. I loved his alter ego Francois. I think that made the movie for me and showed that MC can be a BA. I really loathed Sheeni (his love interest) I didn't think her character was interesting enough to be worth the hassle. I felt like she was that cool girl from high school that led quirky-don't-know-the-are-cute-as-pie boys on and ended up shutting them down. Yeah, I hated that girl.
>>
I started school this week. I'll do a recap at the end of the week. At this moment I need to go to school. I'm still struggling to switch from my sleeping-whenever-I-feel-like-it-schedule I maintained over break. I'm off for a long day day of classes but it's fine because I jam to my AVPM soundtrack in the car and it instantly puts me in a good mood. Also I have a feeling today will be a good because this morning I saw my submission had been posted on Average Wizard (thank you Amy for turning me onto this HP-tastic site!) I would mention how nerdy this is but I mean if you've been around these parts before-you know the deal. Have a great week everyone!

2010-01-10T18:51:00.009-05:00

My best friend came from Illinois to visit this week.
>>
youth in revolt
swanky restaurants
talking until 7am
bookstores
coffee cups
loud voices
big hearts
honesty
love
limits
>
We had an over-the-moon-apple-pie-sitting-underneath-the-stars kind of good time. I wish she never had to leave. Part of me felt so scared the second she walked out of my front door. Life is moving by unbelievably fast and I feel like people are changing and coming and going at a rapid pace. It's hard to know who's honest, who's real, who actually thinks you are important or who's just pretending.
It's difficult to feel like you have opened up your heart for someone and made them a part of your world only to find out they can quickly shut you outside of theirs with no dialogue of resolution.
It's difficult to put people first and never be put first yourself.
It's difficult to realize relationships you have fought so hard to keep afloat are sinking rapidly and there is no way your small hands can stop them.
Those things are difficult.
They hurt and burn like a pain you couldn't imagine. But they are moments of brutal honesty. A moment where you define yourself and what you deserve. You finally see who truly cares and the people that really matter. I feel like I've grown so much this week and realized who loves me for who I am and not for the people I can introduce them to or what they can get from me. I now know who will always make time for me and make me a priority instead of feed me excuses.
I have a huge heart.
I am always forgiving.
I always understand.
Those qualities make me a wonderful friend but sometimes they let people take advantage of me to the point that they are no longer being any definition of "friend" to me. In the midst of all the turmoil and drama that made me feel like I was in high school all over again (yuck) I am happy to know true friendship still exists. It's hard to find and it takes work to keep it going but if you are open to it, you know complete love.

>>words/kendall core>photo/artem mishukov

2010-01-05T09:25:00.003-05:00

>>
and i remember the sound
of your november downtown
and i remember the truth
a warm december with you
//joshua radin
>>
I really have no set resolutions for the new year. I have broad resolutions with no plan of attack.
1) Just be.
2) Grow a little for the better each day.
>>
I am usually too busy criticizing every detail of my existence to let a positive thought directed towards myself occur. This year I want more positive. I want more self love. I want to cut myself more breaks. I want to stop worrying about what everyone else might be thinking. What would make me happy? Let's do that then. The truth is I am always going to choose staying in and reading Harry Potter over going out and getting wasted. I'm not a prude. I'm not boring. I am simply me. No more berating myself for who I think I should be. I want to appreciate the person I am. The tea drinker. The eternal optimist. The closet introvert. The good girl. So what? That is me. I'm tired of thinking it's not enough. 2010 is about embracing myself, even the flawed little jagged pieces I try to keep hidden. We waste so much time fighting who we are. What would it feel like to let go of all those insecurities and doubt and just be? I'm ready to find out.

>photography 1) Camil Tulcan 2) Adriana Petit

2010-01-03T14:03:00.020-05:00

>>
I woke up this morning to go make coffee (of course) and my sister pointed to the kitchen table, "You have two packages from your blog friends!" Yeah exclamation mark, because my sister is just as excited to see the wonderful things I receive in the mail as I am. How lucky am I to receive both Nicola's and Lina 's packages in one morning? Very. Of course both were filled with wonder and creativity. Thank you Lina for taking the time to make a crane chain for me! I lived in Japan when I was younger and my mom, my sister, and I were really into origami so not only was your gift beautiful it also was a nice little piece of nostalgia to put in my room. It was the perfect addition to my inspiration wall as well. I can't express how much I loved it. You are amazing! Miss Nicola it's crazy how aligned our tastes are sometimes. I have been telling my family how much this spring I want to totally start dressing like I stepped out of Taking Woodstock and who would send me flower hair clips? Of course you. Mind reader : ) I have a weird obsession with buttons and my heart skipped a few beats when I saw a bag full of them! I love the ornaments! The paisley tree was so cute, and I think the little guy might end up on my key chain because he is too cute to leave at home. I love you guys! I'm so happy to be connected to such creative and wonderful friends. Also I would like to mention that these ladies know how to package gifts. Both envelopes were works of art and Nicola had the most darling wrapping paper and the wrapping style I was just admiring on Lina's blog was used on my gift. So yeah a great morning!
>>
If you are thinking "Wow these girls Lina and Nicola seem totally awesome." I would tell you: A) You're right-they are! and B) Go visit their joint blog where you can see more of their awesomeness.
>>
I've been having a great weekend. Yesterday I went to our local museum with two of my friends and we had the best time. I felt like I was on a 4th grade field trip, and weren't those the best? We decided we are starting a band called The Troglobites: True Cave Dwellers and we will be releasing our memoirs in a three part series titled Butterfly Scales, Sassafras Root, and Worm Burrows. Don't ask, we are those weird kids.
>>
Also if you are a HP fan go to youtube and watch A Very Potter Musical. I am obsessed. I've downloaded the soundtrack and have been annoying my family by singing it for the past week. I am the dorky one even in my own household!
>>
My power totally went out while writing this and I lost internet connection! My dad went into emergency mode and got the space heater and placed it right in front of my room so I wouldn't die of frost bite. Aw. 30 minutes later our power is back. Thank your power company for being efficient on fixing that circuit breaker.
>>
I'm really depressed because Tegan, my iPod, is malfunctioning. Her buttons aren't working properly and the only way I can enjoy her musical library is to put her on my iHome and use the remote to access what song I want. It's sad! I've only had her for 2 years! What is the average lifespan of an iPod? Dunno...
>>
Anyways hope you all had a great weekend! "Peace, love, and hair grease." As my dad says every time he leaves to go somewhere. And he wonders where I get my strange behavior from? Pshh. : )

2010-01-01T19:30:00.010-05:00

>>>
I hope everyone had a wonderful new year's. I hope you rang in 2010 with people you love. I hope you got a midnight kiss. I hope you didn't forget to look back on all the things you accomplished this past year. I hope you realized that this is a chance to change things. A chance for happiness and for greatness. A chance to take care of and love yourself. It's a new year and anything is possible.
I hope you know I truly love you all.

photo 1. fffound 2. me

happy holly days

2009-12-25T01:49:00.011-05:00

If you celebrate Christmas then I wish you a very merry one! If you don't I wish you merry feelings period : ) My Christmas eve was wonderful. After Thanksgiving I just didn't want to cook a bird, potatoes, blah blah all the traditional holiday food so I decided to plan an Indian feast instead. Not fully authentic but nevertheless delicious. We have a tradition of opening one present on Christmas eve but something snapped within all of us and we wanted to keep opening all of our presents. My dad gave us the green light so we did! It was a very non-traditional Christmas eve and I loved it. After ripping open every gift under the tree we went to our city park where they put on a huge light show every year. The best part is you get to stay in your car with hot chocolate. The upside to opening all my presents tonight? Now I can sleep in tomorrow : )

- - -

My favorite gifts:
1) Tickets to Tegan and Sara from my sister and her girlfriend. This will be my 4th time seeing them and I am just as excited as if it were my first. Favorite band of my life.
2) Hands down my Ralph Lauren pajamas. I always get holiday pajamas but these are by far the most comfortable-ever. End of story.
3) Lots of organic soaps, soy candles, and superb face cleansers. I'm really proud of my dad for taking into consideration that I care about sustainable products. He gets that his daughter is a weird hippie who happens to be obsessed with body care.
4) My peacock headband from Kim. I cannot wait to wear it!
5) New plaid scarf! I can never have enough scarves. I mean never.

- - -

My ultimate present was my dad paying for my tuition for school last week. He's a single father supporting me and my education and I am beyond thankful for that. You know you are getting old when school is a gift! I did all my gifts homemade this year-it took alot of effort. I had to make eight posters for my closest friends and treats for them to eat. Not to brag but my treats were boss. My family devoured the leftovers like vultures. The posters took me SO long because I wanted them all to be personal. Whether it was a Hogwarts acceptance letter, a Tegan and Sara tribute, or an inspirational quote I wanted it to mean something. Just because I'm short on cash doesn't mean I don't love my family and friends insanely.

- - -

I have eaten entirely too much basmati rice and Trader Joe's lemon tart but hey that's part of the holidays. Be merry. Be bright. Remember it's about the little things, the tiny spaces of happiness in life that make us whole.

semi sweet

2009-12-18T11:15:00.007-05:00

friday love
baking cookies
taking woodstock
pajamas in public
a great night

>photo credit
1) sohpie take pictures
2) ffffound.com 3) me

pine scent and lights

2009-12-16T11:14:00.005-05:00

1) blurry photos>than normal ones...sometimes 2) too many books for the shelf anymore 3) nicola goodies!
- - -

Thank you so much for all your thoughtful comments and advice on my last post. All of you had such great insight to offer and it really helped! I've taken a break from this friend for now because I feel like I am still too angry to communicate calmly but when I am ready I am going to do what most of you suggested which is simply communicate my feelings, speak my peace and see if she has anything to say for herself that could even make me consider forgiving. Although Shelby I totally agree with you-she was a coward! Maybe I should just send her a letter that says only that? ; ) But again thank you. I have the best blog community ever.

- - -

Anyways I'm glad to be back home, getting ready for Christmas. I have SO many people to get gifts for on a starving student's budget so I am brainstorming some homemade gift ideas. I have a few but I might just play to my strong suit of baking and make little gift packages of deliciousness for everyone. I wish I was one of those planners who got gifts all throughout the year and saved them for the holidays but I'm not. 'Tis a shame.

- - -

My holiday wish list:
-Domo cup from 7-11. I love that little monster!
-Border's, Starbucks, or Barnes and Noble giftcard

....and that's it. I already have more than I need : )

- - -

For those of you on break already-I hope you are enjoying it and for those who aren't no worries you will be free soon enough! A big thanks to Nicola! I loved those vintagey postcards. I literally do a little jump when I get something from one of my blog friends in the mail : ) You guys are golden!

come my tan faced children

2009-12-14T12:39:00.005-05:00

all the past we leave behind

we debouch upon a newer,
mightier world, varied world.
fresh and strong the world we seize
-walt whitman
- - -

This weekend I went out of town to celebrate a friend's 20th birthday. This is friend I have known since I was 7. We grew up in California together and somehow both ended up in Virginia (although quite far apart. ) She lives in the middle of nowhere so it was a drive but I made it and I was excited to see her since it's been a while. Her party theme was masquerade so we got all dolled up and drove even further out into the middle of nowhere where her friend was hosting the party.

I should just state now in the story that I am interracial. My father is black and Creek and Choctaw Native American and my mother is white, primarily German. So we get to the party and everyone in attendance is white, which didn't make uncomfortable off the bat because I am used to being the only brown person in alot of social situations. She introduced me to her friends and they seemed nice enough so I sat down and got ready for what I thought would be a fun night with what appeared to be fun people. Not even 15 minutes after I arrived the racist comments and jokes began. These kids even had there own special term for black people. I was beyond shocked. I was actually sickened.

I wanted to leave right away but of course I rode with my friend so I just left the kitchen where they were all doing their best work to get completely wasted. I went into the front room and sat on the couch to think of an escape plan. Then this drunk ignorant girl slurs to me, "So what are you, some kind of Italian or something?" Even in a house full what seems to be the offspring of Klu Klux Klan leaders I refuse to hide or be ashamed of my race because I am not, I am proud of every bit of my heritage so I told her. Her jaw dropped in shock, "Well, like, then why is your hair not nappy?" See? Ignorant. I got up and left the room. I went to go find my friend and she was already wasted beyond measure with an empty champagne bottle in her hand. Useless to help me get out of here. Thankfully minutes later her younger sister started to feel sick so I offered to be her designated driver and take her back home. I spent the night there and left in the morning.

I guess I was raised inside this harmonious little bubble where skin color didn't matter. My mom and her three brothers all married interracial and I have beautiful cousins who are half Chinese, Dominican, and Armenian. I have always had friends who didn't care about skin color. If they did they wouldn't be my friends. I guess I feel conflicted because I have know this certain friend all my life and to know that these are the kind of people she chooses as her friend I think speaks volumes. I find it hard to believe that she can hang around such strongly racist people and not share some of those ideas or slip a crude joke along with them. I heard her use their rude term for black people that night at the party and I don't know if I want her friendship anymore. She tried to apologize but I just don't know. I feel so hurt and rejected. Rejected for simply what I look like. I don't know how to navigate this territory. I feel like ending this friendship even though it's lasted for so many years. I would appreciate your thoughts on how you would handle a situation like this.

grape tomatoes

2009-12-07T10:22:00.002-05:00

art: daniel park

- - -

"the mirrior can lie

doesn't show you what's inside

it can tell you your full of life

it's amazing what you can hide

just by putting on a smile."-d.l.

- - -

I'm still here it's just exams/projects have take precedence over everything else at the moment. I had to cancel a trip to visit one of my best friends this weekend because I had so much work to finish. I really needed to see her. We both harbor the same overwhelming issue that we can really only talk to about with each other and feel understood...it was hard to focus on everything when I really just needed to get away for a few days and breathe. Even though at the moment I am feeling beyond stressed, burnt out, and craving quality company I know that within a two week period all my dearest friends and support system will be here and they will stay here for almost a month! I just have to make it through this week then I can be free as a sparrow : )

- - -

I hope everyone is doing well, I will catch up on all your lives either tonight or tomorrow. Enjoy the beginnings of the holiday season-I know I am already being my dorky self and listening to christmas carols 24-7 while drinking copious amounts of hot chocolate. It's just how I roll.

- - -

p.s. I just ate a pint of grape tomatoes-I'm kind of addicted.

this letting go is the hardest part

2009-11-27T15:11:00.003-05:00

(1. new resolution 2. a beautiful sight)
- - -

Happy belated Thanksgiving! I hope everyone's holiday was filled with good eats, belly aching laughter, and people who love you. I know mine was. Only my family would burst into singing T-Pain's "Buy You a Drink" after dinner and then have a "scooting contest." They are insane and I love them.

- - -

Break has also been filled with so many friends. Being away from each other, studying in different locations is hard sometimes and it felt good just to sit next to each other and know we were truly together. I will miss them entirely too much when they go.

- - -

I have realized a fact in myself: I don't give many chances for love. I have already dreamed of the "perfect person" for me (key word: dreamed) and if someone doesn't meet that unrealistic image I brush them off. This is probably coming across far bitchier than intended..I guess I mean to say is that I am overly cautious and I don't give my heart away easily to anyone. My views of love have already been crushed by my parent's disintegrated marriage and I've adopted such a pessimistic view in matters of the heart. I wish I could change this. I am always so envious of one of my dearest friends because she is a true romantic in every sense of the word. No matter if a relationship ends horribly or she has her heart divided in two, she will always believe that there is that one person out there and keep getting back in the ring of love, ready to fight and win. I wish I had her capacity for hope and love. How do you open yourself up when you've learned to survive by closing yourself off? Questions, questions, questions. I wish I could get out of my head and let my heart fly a little. It's beating and beating inside it's cage, dying to get out.

today it looks like night

2009-11-22T07:54:00.005-05:00

maximilian haidacher photography
- - -

Right now I just want to live inside the colors between the greys. I don't want to dwell on the things that could make me sad or give up. I talked to my mom for the first time in two months on Friday. We went for a walk. It ended badly. I realized nothing had changed. She told me she's moving to Baltimore with him and I felt it in my bones that this is it, we may never be okay. I cried unrestrained, tears of a younger girl, and ran home. People walking their dogs with happy, normal lives stared as I blurred by. That troubled girl in a hooded sweatshirt. I came home to an empty house, alone with my tears. I curled up on our blue couch and felt the pulse of rejection beating through me. I thought I would break from the pain. Then my phone rang. It was a friend. I cried to her until I felt salty and dry. She told me she loved me and I knew it was true. I hung up. My phone rang. Another friend. She told me she missed me and would I come over. I smiled remembering that there are people who love me. No one can fill the void my mom left, I know that. I just hope one day I can accept that and let all these wonderful people fill my void with the love they so freely give. At the end of the day all she has is him and I have so much more. I have a dad who is my best friend in the entire world. I have a sister who is my lioness protector. I have a Chrissy who would steal the solar system if it would make me smile. I have a Kim who knows me inside and out and will turn on some sad music, lie in bed with me, and just let me be. I have a Kels who will let me talk in weird accents until I feel better and pretend it's normal. I have a Hodge who gives me strength and a safe haven in Illinois to run to if I ever need it. I have a Kayla who understands more than anyone and makes sure I have Gilmore Girls and coffee on my dark days. I have a Melanie who isn't afraid of phone calls that contain no words, only tears and sings Rent songs until I join it. I have a Lindsey, a Monica, a Jared, and a big bunch of Minnesotans. I have you guys. People whose words have made so many days better. People who have taken time to send a postcard, read my thoughts, or leave kind words. I have all of this and there is no way I couldn't choose to be happy. There are times when you have to cry for three hours straight, holding you ribs tightly and that's okay as long as when the tears run dry you get up, take a hot shower, and remember the good parts of life. We have to create our own happiness and surround ourselves with people who want to be a part of that journey. I am grateful for each and every member of my caravan. Let's discover everything together.

coffee is my boyfriend

2009-11-17T04:40:00.006-05:00

She's got the whole world on her...back. I am in love with this ink. (found@ffffound.com)
- - -

Blah. Ugh. Blech. Those are disgusting noises because I feel disgusting right now. Good news: I finished my take home exam (they trust you alot in college) but there's no point in going to sleep because I have to turn it in at 8:30am. If I even closed my eyes for a second I wouldn't wake up for hours. Yeah that thing called sleep-we aren't going to get familiar this week. I push myself because I know the semester is almost over. Almost, almost. I just have to keep reminding myself.

- - -

Lately I wish friendships never had to change. We grow, we alter, we become different people-this I know. I feel like I can never make everyone happy. I wish I could divide myself like mitosis. I hate when people don't communicate how they really feel. Instead they lash out and make you feel guilty for trying to patch things up in other areas of your life. All I ask for is honesty. Call me naive, excessively optimistic, or ridiculously hopeful but I wanted to believe we would always be the same...

- - -

On an upbeat note I have written a nice stack of postcards ready to be dropped of at the post office hopefully today! So my lovely blog friends expect some mail! Finally I know. I have just been so busy but it put me in such a good mood to think about what I wanted to say to each of you and it made me feel infinitely cool to be sending mail to such a variety of locations. Can we just say postcards are one of the simplest and hands down best pleasures in life? I thought you would agree.

- - -

I hope your Monday went swell. This week you should watch Glee, play a rousing game of Scrabble, get inspired, remember life is too short so let it all go!

...I love how my version of "letting it all go" is Glee and Scrabble...my geekiness knows no limits.

monsoon

2009-11-12T06:41:00.009-05:00

Photographs: Where the Wild Things Are fort contest. How epic is that? The second photo was the winner created by Eric Rice. If he wants to marry me and build a fort for us to live in I'd totally be down.

- - -

Supposedly we are just experiencing the cold spaghetti leftovers of hurricane Ida but I think the storm still has a little kick left in it. Upside: classes are cancelled. Downside: a day off and I'm stuck inside! I guess I do have all that homework to do...most likely I will spend today like you should spend a good rainy day: go back to bed, drink hot chocolate, watch your favorite films, finish the book you've been slowly trying to finish for weeks, call a dear friend, and just listen to the roaring chaos outside your window and feel infinitely warm and secure under your covers. That's how I plan to spend my Thursday trapped inside. Stay dry wherever you are : )

collages, caffeine, and cudi

2009-11-09T09:02:00.004-05:00

my collage efforts

It's Monday folks. I bet you just inwardly groaned at that. Like you needed to be reminded. I'm still annoyingly happy due to my great weekend so excuse the excess sunshine. I will probably crash any second now since I have been up all night and it is now 9 am. I got home extremely late Sunday evening and I had to take a shower and nap to recoup before I could even fathom working on my collage projects. Thanks to a pot of coffee (I know I said I would stop that but I had no other options) good tunage, and the fact that I love collaging I actually enjoyed my all nighter and survived it rather well. Also I can't lie, I watched two episodes of Criminal Minds so I didn't even get truly started until 11pm-ish. I blame A&E for always showing reruns. I can't resist! Anyways I am off for a day the length of a blue whale. Tonight I have an insane amount of drawing work to finish so wish me good, shiny luck. I hope you all have a great start to your week! You are golden : )

2009-11-06T09:26:00.012-05:00

thanks for reading through the good, the bad, the boring, and the "what is she talking about?" thank you for being friends from afar and brightening rainy days. thank you for the postcards, and the comments that make me smile, laugh, or feel understood. here's to 100 more and beyond.

- - -

I'm off to Richmond this weekend to see some of my dorm friends from my old university. There's something about living in close quarters and sharing a communal bathroom that can bond people for life. I love these girls and I'm so happy to stop saying, "I want to see you!" on Facebook and just go and actually see them. Of course as soon as me and my driving buddy J-Rad worked out everything for this weekend two of my teachers assigned huge projects due Monday! Ughh. So now I basically will have to scramble to get everything done when I get home Sunday. My friends are worth it though so I shall deal!

- - -

I signed up for my classes next semester and I love seeing how close I am to getting my associate's degree. I know I will feel so good getting to that milestone and feeling like I've accomplished something. Also it will give me fuel to go on for my bachelor's and after that it's global domination! Kidding. Anyways I have a heavy schedule again but what's new? I'm taking photography 101, intro to digital photography, digital imaging (basically another photoshop class), history of photography (so excited for this!), and fundamentals of design deux. My time management is going to be amazing next semester. I am promising myself this.

- - -

I am excited that it is November which means soon a holiday break will be here. Yep a BREAK! All my favorite friends will be back in town and it will just be good times. I can't wait for that lag between fall and spring semester where I almost have an entire month off! I think I will just go into hibernation and sleep the entire time to make up for the number of hours I have missed thus far this semester. I'm happy to be wearing boots, peacoats, scarves, and knits everyday. I'm more positive. Signing up for classes made me feel less stagnant and like I had momentum again. When I feel like nothing is happening I get nervous that I am becoming nothing. My dad always gets frustrated when I tell him I feel like I'm not doing anything because he says I'm going to school like I "should be." I worry about the lives I could be leading. The weight of that worry could crush me sometimes. But right now I feel like I'm on the right path. You have to put in the work before the payoff. (I'm inside my own head too much as of late,can you tell?) Anyways I'm happy to be off to a new city to be with old friends and have simple fun. Let's uncomplicate life sometimes okay?

- - -

This weekend I hope you notice how beautiful the sky can be, catch a falling leaf, spend time with someone who just gets you, read something that's so true you could cry, and remember that life is a glimpse so do anything you desire right now. You are golden .

early november

2009-11-01T14:29:00.002-05:00

Halloween has come and gone. It was fun but I'm happy it's over! I feel more like the walking dead today then I did last night dressed as a zombie.

- - -

I may be having what Oprah would refer to as an "a-ha! moment." I've been reevaluating everything in my life which can be healthy but also make you a bit sad that you aren't where you thought you would be at this certain moment in time. I've been doing some things that haven't been true to who I am. I'm not proud of that at all. I've been realizing that just because people have been a part of your past doesn't mean they belong in your future. Sometimes I feel ineadequate because the things I value and want seem to differ so drastically from others my age. It's hard, but I want to hold fast to the things I stand for. Maybe I expect too much out of everything and everyone. I don't know. All I know is I need to make moves. I need to take steps in the direction of moving on, past, and above everything that brings me down. Here's to my personal pursuit of happiness. I may be young and feel helpless but I'm trying. Sometimes that's all we can do.

zombieland

2009-10-31T20:50:00.003-04:00

i'm already in a candy coma

happy halloween creatures of the night

word to the wise, watch out for the undead.

buttoned up

2009-10-28T10:20:00.006-04:00

1) australian mail makes my day 2) kate moennig is perhaps the coolest person. ever.

- - -

My pen pal/profressional at being awesome Ninja sent me a wonderful letter and buttons! I don't think she had a clue that I keep every button I come in contact with and then do things like decorate an entire journal with them. It's just another sign of how in tune we are.

- - -

So what have I been doing? Freeing my mind. Laughing too much. Going to IHOP at 3am. Dancing around bonfires. Reading Go Ask Alice. Watching Edward Scissorhands and Hocus Pocus. Enjoying the crisp air and changing leaves. Bringing out my peacoats. Painting. Drawing. Creating. Living.

- - -

My halloween costume has been chosen friends. Instead of using my Pocahontas costume again (3 halloweens=retirement) I am going to switch it up this year. I'm going to be a zombie. My sister and her girlfriend are going to be part of my zombie posse and together we will terrorize the city and steal candy from trick or treaters. That last part was a lie.

- - -

I think I mentioned before that me and my sister geek out over holidays in a Martha Stewart kind of way. Yeah...we have issues. We have a full on schedule for halloween. It starts out with seasonal coffee at Starbucks, then off to enjoy pumpkin patch festivities, going to see Zombieland, having a spooky dinner (basically just green spinach pasta and ghost cupcakes but whatever) and then getting zombied out for my friend K's party. I'm excited!

- - -

I have been getting better about procr-ass-tination. Okay just a little bit better but it's still a progression! It's hard to break habits you've had for years but I'm trying. School is good. So many projects per usual. One day I will have to post some of this work I'm doing. You probably think I am fictionalizing all this slave work. Oh how I wish I was!

- - -

I miss alot of things right now. I miss The Paper, that random MTV reality show about a highschool newspaper. I miss Lauren Conrad. I miss Minnesota and my northern family. I miss having a clean room. I miss....that's it. I guess I don't miss that much after all. Yay for being content.

- - -

My mom sent me a card in the mail the other day. It said "I miss you"and "I love you" but "I'm sorry" was nowhere to be seen...Life never goes the direction your planned.

- - -

What are you going to be for halloween?

2009-10-27T05:53:00.005-04:00

yes i'm still here.

(i've just been lost in the thicket of life)

you are swell.

procr-ass-stinator

2009-10-20T08:32:00.013-04:00

1) I'm a mess. 2) Staple heart.

- - -
"Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task." -William James

- - -

I am an ass for procrastinating. From now on my time management skills are going to improve. No more pots of coffee to pull through all nighters, no more caffeine shakes, dark circles under eyes, or chronic yawns all day. I am going to get it together. I had the worst all nighter of my life Sunday and the exhaustion from that has put me behind on other things I needed to get done. Procrastination is a gamble. Sometimes I get on this manic, creative high and do some amazing work and other times I am just too rushed and the quality of my work suffers. I'm tired of playing games, I need to get focused. No more working under pressure or running on caffeine in my bloodstream. For the rest of the semester it's reasonable sleep, limited coffee intake, and good planning. I am causing myself too much stress by just being lazy and unmotivated. No more "I can do it tomorrow" or "I work best under pressure." That's bullshit and I don't have time for it.

- - -

On a lighter, less self deprecating note I had a great weekend (which equals why I didn't get any work done.) On Friday I went to lunch and to see Where the Wild Things Are with M (that old friend I am giving another chance.) I actually had a really good time and remembered why we were so close at one point. I forgot how well she understands me. When you grow up together I guess there is just this comfort that you can't always find in other relationships. Old friends know who you've been in addition to the person who you've grown to be.

- - -

WTWTA exceeded my already insanely high expectations. I was most impressed by the wonderful character development of the wild things. Their personalities brought such warmth and depth to film. Max was perfectly cast! Enough said. I love Catherine Keener who played Max's mother. I feel like while she is not always the lead in many of the films she is in she still always steals my attention because she is such a great actress. Bottom line she's the bees knees and I was so happy she was in this! I would add this film to the category "movies you can watch with the sound off and it would still be your favorite." It was visually stunning. Other wordly. Just simply wonderful. I can't gush enough. Go see it. Go buy the soundtrack.

- - -

I finally got to see my biff KT play rugby this weekend! I went with my friend J Radical and we had to get up early and face freezing wet weather but we were there to support her! I wish I had googled rugby beforehand because honestly I couldn't even tell who was winning. I had no idea what was going on at all. Right when I thought I had a grasp on the concept someone kicked the ball and I was thrown into confusion again ("They kick in this game too?") Basically I think it's a hybrid of American football, soccer, and some made up imaginary sport you played when you were young. KT was hardcore though in her cute rugby striped jersey. She took a bad tackle and got cleated across her beautiful face! She got a bit bloodied up and had to go to the hospital to make sure she wouldn't need stitches and thankfully she didn't and she will be a-okay once she heals. She is my hero.

- - -

Saturday night I caught up with some friends I used to play field hockey with and it was great to see them. We have all been so busy with our lives after high school that we never find time to get together and it's sad because we used to spend so much time together. We went to this party and it was hilarious. I didn't drink because I had to drive (responsible is my middle name kids) but there is a benefit to being sober at a wild party: you are able to appreciate the entertaining actions of the drunken folk. There were about three fights, lap dances galore, and broken furniture. Like I said, very entertaining.

- - -

I hope all your weekends were ace. This week I am going to try and get back on track with sleep and work. I seem to be derailed at the moment. Keep on keeping on : )

shoot...it's monday

2009-10-12T08:48:00.004-04:00

1) someone come find a really old tree stump with me and let's do this! 2) "i know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky" original tattoos are pretty stellar if you ask me.

Credit: ffffound.com
- - -

Is someone breaking the weekend blogging habit? For now anyways. This weekend was so much fun even if I didn't accomplish any work. I mean like zero. A goose egg. Absolutely nada. Even though I know I am going to pay for it this week it was worth it. Life is worth living sometimes you know?

- - -

Friday night was filled with crazy drunks in a smoke filled pool hall, cold air blowing against legs in short shorts, and laughing until your stomach aches. Saturday I saw my two bests (home for fall break.) The night ended up going differently then planned and ended up with me and KT shopping for toilet paper in CVS at midnight. That's how we do it.

- - -

Yesterday I scored the karate tournament. I don't know what it is inside me that compels me to do such random things. I just like to experience as much as I can in life. Like now I can say, "Oh I've scored a karate tournament." It's something to add to my life resume. Anyways my friend from my class who goes by "Kickass L" in my phone (I'm "Karate Kait" in her's) was volunteering as well so we met up early for a java fix (the tournament started at the insane time of 9:30am on a Sunday!) and then drove to the tournament together. We got our free volunteer tee shirts (one of the reasons I go to alot of events, I love a free tee shirt) and went to the bathroom to change. There was the cutest little girl in there and she was like, "I can see your bra!" and when I was tucking my hair into my hat she helped me out, "You missed a piece of hair!" I gave her a high five, "Kid, you're cool." She found me later while I was scoring and said hello again. She reminded me of myself when I was little. Always talking to everyone. A prime candidate to get kidnapped.

- - -

The highlight of the day was learning that there is a category of competition known as "demo" where the kids perfom in a group and do a choreographed routine to music. There was this team there that totally reminded me of the mean rival team in The Karate Kid. They had lightning bolts on their pants and performed only to classic 80's power hits. Me and Kickass L totally loved them and wanted to be honorary members. We got to spend most of the day scoring the kids divisions so that made the day alot of fun because the kids were beyond adorable and we were fighting over who was going to hypothetically adopt each one. The kids were also SO polite it made reconsider my whole, "I'm not having kids" stance. I would have kids and then sign them up for karate so they would learn the ancient teachings of respect and consideration which seems to be lost on the current generation. That and no jam hands allowed or koolaid mouth stains. Ew.

- - -

Now I am off to try and finish as much work as humanly possible before heading off to school. I hope your Monday is smooth and not stressful like I made mine by refusing to accomplish anything this weekend. Here's to the start of another long week with little sleep!

walking with the heart of a lion

2009-10-09T10:43:00.012-04:00

1) feeling inspired by the great cudder lately but who isn't? 2) knit hats are one of the best parts of fall. along with hot drinks, crunchy leaves, and crisp air.

- - -

I have been up since about 6am which is unfortunate because this is supposed to be my day OFF from school so you think I could sleep in right? Nope. My dad left at the crack of dawn to go hunt innocent bambis like a caveman but he left his regular work alarm on which went off blaring. I laid in bed in the hopes that maybe my sister would be woken up and go turn it off. That was wishful thinking. I don't even get sleep when I have the oppurtunity too. Sadface.

- - -

So now I sit here in my favorite cable knit sweater, eating Bliss dark chocolate for breakfast (it has antioxidants that means it's healthy alright?! Don't judge me.) and trying to get motivated to go to the gym ("Do you want abs like Beyonce or not?") I had planned on trying to go to a matinee showing of Whip It! but I have a feeling that won't happen today. I am so behind on films! I felt like I saw so many this summer but now I can hardly find time to see any. I have an ever growing list. Top priorities: Whip It! and Zombieland. What is it about zombies that is so great? I don't know, they just do it for me.

- - -

The title of this post is aptly named due to the fact that I have had some strange lion dreams lately. I won't bore you with the odd details but let's just say it involved actual lions (in a stampede no less which I don't think they actually do, that's antelope right? I am going by knowledge gathered from The Lion King here), humans pretending to be lions, and me almost getting crushed by lions. Weird buddy. Also the post title comes from my current favorite Kid Cudi song (changes often because they are all favorites in reality) "Heart of a Lion." You should check it. But the main reason for the post title (you are probably thinking, "Who puts this much thought into a freakin' post title?" Me folks. Me.) is because I am trying to encourage myself to actually have the heart of a lion in a certain situation in my life. I gave you vague details about my mom's drama-rama-lame-o-secretly-straigtens-his-hair boyfriend causing waves with my sister (he is a rip tide man.) Even though things have been going well for me and my mom as of late I feel like I have to take a stand to show her that I cannot condone the way her boyfriend treats me and my sister and the fact that she lets him disrespect us period. We are her children man. I know the whole sentimental "I just popped a human out of my vag" feeling happened a long time ago as me and my sister are approaching adulthood but I thought remnants of that were supposed to linger for like, ever? So I am boycotting interaction with her and her douchepacker boytoy. I am not telling her she has to leave him but I am telling her that as long as he is in her life I cannot be (which is an indirect way of saying it. Clever, eh?) I don't want you to think I am being overdramatic because there is a HUGE backstory here that one day I will include in my memoir but trust me when I say he has done things FAR worse than this current situation. He is the slimiest, most manipulative, instigator you ever met. Bad enough to turn a mother against her own children come to think of it... Not talking to my mom is extremely hard because 1) She's my mom-hello! I'm not heartless! and 2) I don't like being at odds with anyone. I like to keep it harmonious you know? Being mad or upset with people is so draining! I despise it. But it kind of hurts worse to have a mother in your life who isn't actually being a mother you know? That's more crushing to me then anything else so actually having a break from that feeling is nice in an odd way. My best friend Hodge asked me how I don't just break down over all of this and believe me I have in the past but at the end of the day I feel sorry for my mom. She's missing out on knowing her children as they become adults in this world and find out who they are and she's traded that all in for some lame-o dude. She's going to look back and have regrets. I'm the lucky one. Rant/vent completed.

- - -

I've come to realize I am becoming a weekend blogger (sadface!) It saddens me but six classes comes with a pile of work that is ever increasing. I will continue blogging no matter how busy I get though because I would miss the wonderful people I've met too much if I stopped! One of my goals this weekend is to finish writing my postcards. I got caught up in other things this week but don't fret there will be beautiful cards in maiboxes soon. Thank you to my recent followers! I love having new folks step into my blogosphere : ) Also I finally did a new layout! I loved the last one but it needed a sprucing. Still really simple though. I'm rambling. Apologies.

- - -

I recieved awards from two of my favorite (and equally beautiful) bloggers: Nicola and Lina! The fact that when they get awards and they are pondering who to pass them on to and my name flits across their creative minds makes me feel a bit speacial. Okay, ALOT special. I really admire these ladies and cannot extend enough thanks!

The Smile Award (the first one) comes with rules. You must:
1) Name a song that makes you happy.

2) Tag as many of your homies as you want and write something nice about their blog and why it makes you smile when you read it.

- - -

Okay so the song that is making me happy at the moment? Hmmm. "Tardy for the Party" by Kim Zolciak. If you aren't obsessed with The Real Housewives of Atlanta (like me) then you won't get why. I shall tag:

-Nicola-You already have this but I still want to say something nice about you! I love reading your entries and getting to feel like I am stepping into your great life. We are so similar in our interests and how we enjoy the simple things in life and I have found such a kindred spirit in you!

-Lina-Again you are already tagged but posititvity must be sent your way! Your blog is beautiful and I love how you are family oriented and always having fun little adventures with your sister. It reminds me alot of me and my sister's relationship. Your photography always makes me feel inspired, seriously you are talented!

-Mayte-You are so open with your life and your feelings that I predict that if we met in person we wouldn't have that akward stage because I feel like I know you so well. I love your creative almost poetic-esque entries. They are always so beautifully written.

-Cara/Ninja-My friend from down under! I'm so happy we finally kicked of our pen pal-ship. You have a rad life filled with great experiences and neat folks and I love reading about it. Also I think we are the two most musically intuned people ever. It freaks me out how much our tastes are alike.

-Jessica-You have such a great outlook on life and I love how your posts are always about something that inspired you or made you feel good. I feel like your blog is such a positive place and you are really a such a bright personality. I wish I was so sure of myself at your age. Even at 19 I don't think I am as well adjusted as you!

-Shelby-Shelbs (can I call you Shelbs? Just this once!) you are satirical, witty, and a spit fire. Your entries have me laughing out loud (in the legit way, not just an LOL way.) You have such a well crafted blog that draws people in!

-Lauren-(glad I know your name now!) You have such a brave honesty and it shows in your writing. I'm glad you opened up your mind to the blogosphere-one of my favorite reads hands down.

- - -

As for the Circle of Friends Award (makes me feel like we should all do an environmentally beneficial song for Disney) if you see it grab it and pass it on! Blogging is about community : ) I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Mine will be busy, one of my biffs is coming home for the weekend, I have to score a karate tournament, and of course homework! It never ends! Hopefully I will be back before next weekend. I'll still be reading your blogs like the creeper I am ; ) You are golden!

when it knocks you down

2009-09-30T08:53:00.006-04:00

garance doré illustration

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Okay this is supposed to my "proper" post. I don't know if my entries are ever truly "proper." I feel like there are numerous grammatical mistakes but I try. The problem with taking so long to post is that so much has happened I don't know if I can possibly figure a way to condense. It's probably for the best anyways since most of the stuff I deem post worthy is usually not interesting. So hopefully that means I am choosing only the interesting events?

- - -

As previously stated this past weekend was swell. It was one of those that takes all your stress away and you remember what it's like to have pure fun again and not be so consumed with repsonsibility (but of course Monday came around to knock that feeling away.) I spent the entire weekend with K, the old friend I have recently reconnected with and we filled our time with bad poker games with high stakes, historic trolley rides, indie flicks, and the cutest labrador puppy ever, Zeva. Good times man.

- - -

Also this weekend a monumental moment happenened. I'll give you the back story: I used to be a conjoined twin with my friend M (not literally but you know what I mean) for about three years. We traveled to New York City together, called each others parents mom and dad, and basically should have had scientists fuse us together for life we were so close. Then ALOT of "girl drama" happened where I got really screwed over (feel sad for me here) and I cried for a week and then my mom said "Get back up and go make some new friends." So I did and I met those three lifelong friends I am always bragging about (they are truly fab) and I tried my best to forget about the bad seed M. But alas M did not forget about me. Every so often like clockwork she would attempt to makeup or rekindle our friendship but I just wasn't willing to forget. Then last week I recieved a 2am, very mopey voicemail from M saying how much she wanted to see me and my heart strings were gently plucked. We agreed to meet for coffee and I was prepared to let her know just how awful of a friend she had been before I even thought about forgiving her but then I sat down and we smiled and we were laughing about all these old memories and catching up on each others lives and I realized I didn't care about the past. I told her if she can prove she is a good friend now that is all that matters. I don't know if she can but I am willing to give her a chance. (Why are girl's friendships so intense?)

- - -

Oh and of course there is family drama. I am the queen of family dysfunction. I won't go into too much detail because it would involve a car break down tale and you would have had to meet my mom's boyfriend in person to understand what a COMPLETE douchebag he is. Seriously, no words could do his horrid personality justice. Bottom line: He seriously offended my sister and my mom did nothing to defend her. After my sister had just spent $60+ on her birthday gift! Anyways, even though my relationship with my mom has been getting better lately I always support my sister and would go to the mattresses for her any day. Solidarity sister. YA YA!

- - -

A school update? Well I have gotten perfect 100's on both of my Photoshop projects! In Typography my teacher said she was going to move students around (that can still happen in college apparently) because the class was becoming "unruly" and "chatty" and then guess what? She ONLY moved ME! I felt highly offended. I mean I don't talk to myself over there. I actually sit in a nice little group where all of us have given ourselves VMA celeb names (I'm Lady GaGa FYI.) It's lame man, so lame. Now I sit in a corner and I just turn up my iPod and jam to Drake and Kid Cudi and feel angry. I am still really busy with art projects. Drawing is starting to get on my nerves because we have been working on our imaginary creature for-freaking-ever. I want to do something different already! I realize I hate tint and shade scales! Especially when working with gouache. But we just did this texture project and that was fun. I used coffee, dog food, q-tips, leaves, pancake mix, sprinkles, and a bunch of other random household items. Karate is good but now I am getting nervous because we learn SO many moves a class so I don't know how I am going to remember all of them for the practical exam. I need to start practicing at home!

- --

Whew! That felt lengthy. Sorry! How are you? I am about to go peruse your lovely blogs and find out!

p.s. I am not trying to get all Gossip Girl on you by referring to people in my life with one initial I just don't know if these people would feel comfortable having their name on my blog.

she's alive

2009-09-28T10:11:00.002-04:00

photo credit: ellen von unwerth

I will be making a proper post soon! This weekend was too fun filled and as a result I spent all last night and early this morning finishing two major projects. I wish you time management skills and hopefully I can catch up on comments tonight! What is sleep again?

p.s. I found some new postcards so I can send some lovely ladies some mail : )

p.p.s. YOU ARE GOLDEN.

makes kait a dull girl

2009-09-20T15:34:00.007-04:00

1) My postcard collection continues to grow! 2) Coolest stamps ever. 3) The horrid beginnings of my value scale-don't judge.

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I am going to start yet another post by thanking another fabulous blogger friend for sending me a postcard for collection. This time my gratitude goes out to Amy of My Pointe of View (an amazing blog where you are exposed to new and wonderful things!) Thanks girl, make sure you send me your address so I can return the favor. I am in the process of finding some new cute postcards because Barnes and Noble has not gotten any new ones thus far so I am going to expand my search. I will keep your posted Shelby if I find any good spots : )

- - -

So of course I saved most of my work to finish today. I just like working in bulk. Something about the immense, crippling, stressful pressure of getting everything done in one day gets me focused. I am strange, this I know. I am working on scales of every kind. Value scales. Stippling scales. Crosshatch scales. It is dull work, but I assume a necessity for art uno. The grey scale in particular is killing me at the moment, I can't seem to get the transition from the plain white to the next tone light enough. It is looking like a big leap of color instead of a gradual progression. This is probably as boring to you as it sounds to me as I type. Forgive me.

- - -

I'm just going to put it out there that Drake's "So Far Gone" and Kid Cudi's "Man on the Moon" are excellent albums if anyone is into hip hop. I am not the biggest hip hop fan and I usually favor rock, indie, and totally out there weird but good music is good music no matter what genre. Check it.

- - -

I usually live my life thinking, "I already have three lifelong friends I don't need any new ones." That's a horrible way to think I know. So I'm trying to stop being complacent and being open to other folks I meet. I have reconnected with an old friend and it's really nice especially with my best girls being far away during the school year. No more closing off. That's my goal.

- - -

I'm sorry this post is uneventful. I am just being boring lately. I will try to take up skydiving or something okay? I shall work on my comments soon-promise. Have a great start to your week : )

hello cowgirls in the sand

2009-09-12T14:02:00.008-04:00

1) Is this not a beautiful postcard? 2) Nicola's friends peeked out to say hello!

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I don't know what it is about receiving handwritten mail that makes me so tingly. I get bank statements every month and they depress me and make me feel anxious but the sight of a colorful little square with someone's personal handwriting mixed in with those corporate letters makes me feel instantly optimistic. So thank you Nicola for this wonderful postcard! I have an inkling that my collection is going to be the bees knees. If you want to know more about a girl who can be described with every positive adjective in the dictionary than go visit Nicola Inside the Cabinet of Wonder. I can't promote her blog enough, it really is one of my favorites!

- - -

I have FOUR sociology chapters to read this weekend. Oh yeah, I haven't even started. I probably appear to be a very lackadaisical student but I assure you I'm not. I am just unfortunately one of those people who believes I work best "under pressure." I learned in my intro to psychology course that this is how procrastinators rationalize their behavior away but oh well, I'm living in my own world.

- - -

Thank your for all the well wishes towards my cold and freakish ankle! Thankfully I am back to normal health. The same cannot be said for my sister though, she has caught a severe cold. You know the kind where you only seem to get worse and not better? I took her to urgent care this morning and of course they had to check for the dreaded swine flu (she tested negative!) To test her they had to stick this extra long swab up her nose (the nurse told her it would feel like her "brains were being scrambled" lovely huh?) Anyways she is on some extra strength prescription meds and hopefully on her way to recovery. My sister will hate me for telling this if she ever reads this blog but on our way to the car she tripped and literally ROLLED down the driveway. She ripped a hole in the knee of her pants and her hands were all scratched up but I could not help but laugh. I am evil sometimes.

- - -

I am debating whether or not to go out on the boat today. I have things I need to get done but I feel like the amount of time I would let myself be distracted by Facebook, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, or simply staring off into space would add up to equal the time spent out on the boat. Hmmm.

- - -

Did anyone else ever spend alot of time in the bathtub as a kid? That was my first place to go for a hide and seek (it was also the first place the seekers looked) and I used to read in the bath and even set a bowl of Cheetos on the bathtub ledge to eat. I would stay in there for hours reading and draining and refilling the tub. My favorite books would have water spots and curled edges from the moisture. When not bathing I would put a blanket and pillow inside the tub and form a little napping fortress that felt secluded away from the rest of the house. I would write observations down in my notebook about everything. It was my favorite place to be. I never have time for baths anymore. I am always taking a quick shower so I can get to school or some other appointment on time. I miss bath time.

- - -

Thoughts:

-Sleeping with two comforters (provided it's cold enough) seems to give me the soundest sleep.

-Dark chocolate hot chocolate-go try it.

-"Cowgirls in the Sand' by Neil Young-go listen.

-I am thinking of have an Austen-athon this fall. I have a whopping book filled with Jane Austen's work and I want to attempt to read it from beginning to end. During the holiday seaons I always have to read Little Women and Harry Potter as well. Those are the best books to read while curled up in a comfy chair with a hot drink and lots of candles surrounding you.

-I hope your weekend is filled with moments that make your smile, something that tastes good, and sights that make your remember how beautiful life is!

-Thank you to all my recent followers! I love having new blogs, new thoughts, and new lives to read!

unique faces, places, spaces.

2009-09-06T16:27:00.008-04:00

(1. 2. 3.)

I love unique beauty. I am more interested in people who look completely themselves and not made from the jello mold of society. You may not have long hair, an exposed bustline, or wear Louboutins but there is something even more beautiful in the fact that you don't. Above are three women I find beautiful: Shannyn Sossamon, Tegan Quin, and Rachael Cantu. Who do you find uniquely beautiful? (your first answer should be yourself!)

- - -

Sniffle sniffle. Oh wait no that's wrong I can't even "sniffle" because my nose is stuffed to max capacity with whatever it is that prevents you from breathing properly when you have a cold. Snot? Mucus? Ew? This weekend has shaped up to be not as relaxing as I had hoped. I developed a small cold which I am attributing to my absurd lack of sleep this past week. So far it is not a full blown cold and let's hope it dissipates quicky and never reaches max capacity. Another cramp in my style? Why my swollen ankle! Did I sprain it? Of course not! That would be normal and ordinary and that just is never my life story. The crazy reason? On Friday I house sat (because houses must be sat on) with a friend and her boyfriend and we spent a portion of the evening outside playing a very deep round of 21 questions. I was in yoga pants and a hoodie so only my ankles and feet were exposed to the wrath of bugs that seemed out for blood that night. When we came inside I had a fair amount of red, scratchy bites all along my ankles but I mean mosquito bites are part of a summer in the south so I went to sleep feeling a bit scratchy but fine. Flash foward to the next morning and my left ankle has now swollen to form a cankle and is red, itchy, and sore. I Googled compulsively until I confirmed that this was not a spider bite but just an over itched bug bite. I have my suspicions though that I might pass out at any second only to awaken in the ER with a doctor saying I've been attacked by a brown recluse. My dad says I worry too much and to put a bag of frozen peas on it. Really dad? Well you can write that on my tombstone!

- - -

Another fact I've realized: it's hard to feel motivated to complete a massive amount of homework when you are sick and temporarily crippled by a bloated ankle. I've completed not even half of my work. It is an art filled weekend and I am currently taking a break from my three part drawing of a Trader Joe's Organic Agave Sweetener bottle. Oh what fun.

- - -

Thoughts:

-I noticed a few leaves turning color yesterday and I squealed with delight. It was an ugly noise reaction to one of the most beautiful events of my year: the return of fall.

-I am reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. It is my friend Kim's favorite book of possibly all time and she gave it to me for my birthday. You should pick it up sometime.

-I want to buy Pride & Predjudice & Zombies. Yes I'm a nerd.

-That Justin Bieber song "One Time" reminds me of when I was growing up and Sammy and Aaron Carter were big. I love things that make me feel like I am living in the 90's again.

-I must see Taking Woodstock before my local theater pulls it. They usually don't keep below-blockbuster-status-films in rotation very long. 'Tis a shame.

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Is your Labor Day weekend going swell? I hope so : )

all nighters and artic monkeys

2009-08-30T10:56:00.011-04:00

1) I jazzed up my sketchbook and added Rachael Maddow to my binder. I love her. 2,3) Postcard from London!

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First off, a BIG thank you to Sherin (and Leia) from Hi Fashion for kicking off my postcard collection. I was so excited to find a postcard in my mailbox bearing a UK postmark. I felt like Lina who is always getting wonderful things in the mail!

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I spent yesterday trying to brainstorm some non-objective images for my negative/positive space project. You know it's actually hard trying to think of an image that can't resemble any object. So far it's alot of amoebas : / I also have three reading assignments that I have yet to get a crack on. My goal this semester is to not be a procrastinator and get everything done a bit at a time so I am not reduced to being stressed the night before trying to complete everything in the world like I usually am. But I really haven't accomplished a substantial amount of work and it's Sunday so that means I will be working hard today. I have my "homework jam" playlist made to keep my dancing while I work. It's all Artic Monkeys and Taylor Swift. The first gets me pumped and rockin' out and I just can't help but feel good when I listen to T. Swift.

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This lady in the line at the grochery store was totally checking out my dad and flirting with him! Ew. Oh and my dad wasn't exactly tellling her to get away and move to a remote island. Ughh. The worst part about having parents that are no longer together is watching them get back on the "dating" scene. I mean I know I should be more mature about this but my dad is my dad, not a flirtatious "stud." I'm going to try and grow up. I'll keep you posted

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I saw Inglourious Basterds last night. It is one of my top five movies of 2009. Oh yeah, it was THAT good. If you can't handle a bit of gore like scalping and heads being bashed in with a baseball bat than you should not go see it! Or maybe go with someone who has seen it before so they can tell you when to cover your eyes? It's a thought. Anyways, Brad Pitt was amazing. I dare say this is my favorite performance of his-ever! His accent and quick quips made the film. However the entire cast for this film was superb and each character I loved more than the last, even the horrid evil ones because their performances were so good.

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UPDATE

I wrote that last part yesterday but hit "save as draft" instead of "publish post." Oh the joys of being me. So I got my project due date mixed up (okay I really just didn't pay full attention to the handout) and it was due today so I was up late last night finishing it. Looking at those eight little squares with funky shapes on them you might be thinking, "oh that doesn't look like it would take too long." You might say that. You would be wrong. All the squares had to be measured and half of my sketches didn't work out when creating them by cutting paper so I leaned towards more geometic design since those were easier to cut out of the paper we had to use. I got up early this morning after little sleep even though I don't have class until one. Something about staying up late and burning the midnight creative oil had me too hyped to sleep well. I'm up so I am going to try and pick up my room. There is paper, sketchpads, and pencils everywhere and somewhere beneath all that a sharp pair of crafting scissors. Hopefully my foot doesn't find those first. This isn't exciting-sorry to bore you with school work!

Thank you Amy! I am so grateful for the awards I gotten these past few weeks. Really, thank you! In receiving this award I am to divulge 10 interesting things about myself:

1) I find the strangest food combinations delicous. Cottage cheese and prunes. Grey Poupon mustard and cheese. Cream cheese on pretzels. I disgust my family daily by what they see me eating. I have the tastebuds of a pregnant woman carrying twins.
2) One of my favorite book series growing up was Heartland. It was based in Virginia which I love and it was about a girl who lived on a horse farm that healed horses problems through all natural remedies. They had this massage called the "T-touch" they did on the horses in the book and to this day whenever I am petting a dog I start doing it becaues I think it works.
3) I am still a big Disney channel fan. For example, last night I was mad that I had messed up the project due date because I that meant I had to miss The Wizards of Waverly Place movie to work on it. It was sad.
4) I rarely listen to the radio. I always listen to one of Kim's mix cds or one I made myself. I hate commercials and only liking 1 in 10 songs played. The exception however is NPR. I used to hate when my dad would make me listen to it when I was in high school and now he makes fun of me because I listen to it. I just grew up and realized how important the world around me was.
5) I try not to kill insects. Sometimes I might freak out if I see a substantial sized spider and kill it out of fear for my life but besides that I always try to get them safely outside again.
6) I was watching Runaway Bride with Kim recently and there was a line saying how you can't wear plaid to a wedding and Kim said that I would. It might be true. In fact, I'm going to wear a plaid shirt today now that I think about it.
7) The most terrifying part of my day is merging onto the highway.
8) I try to promote what I call "good road karma." I believe if I let people merge over in front of me or slow down to let pedestrians j-walk that somehow positive energy will come back to me.
9) I don't miss 90% of the people I went to high school with. I sometimes wonder if this means we were ever friends at all.
10) "I Am Not My Hair" by Indie Arie is one of my favorite songs.

I pass on this "I think you are an awesome girl" award to: Kim, Ninja, Abby, Mayte, Scarlett, Lizzie, Kate, Jessica, and souldmeetsbody and live2laugh(I'm sorry I don't know your names!) I would also include Lina, Nicola, and Shelby in this list but Amy has already given you this award. Congrats!

school house rock

2009-08-26T21:00:00.007-04:00

1) I heart typography 2)Books!

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I finally have time to blog! Granted a small window of time since I must finish in time for Top Chef! This week has made me feel, to quote Kimya Dawson, like a whisper inside a tornado. I have been going non-stop and I am glad to finally have a minute to sit down in my room and catch up. So I think I will go with the basic format everyone seems to be using to desribe their first week, let's go by classes:

-Fundamentals of Design- At first I could not find the classroom and I was freaking out slightly but I decided to ask a random man for help and he offered to walk me to my class. He asked me what class I was going to and I told him. He then informed me that the teacher for this class was really crazy and strange. He kept talking him up like he was some insane individual and when we reached the classroom door he stepped inside with me and walked to the front of the classroom, "Hello, I am your professor for this course" and smiled at me. I then exclaimed, "You're the teacher!" and we both laughed. It was funnier in the moment I promise. Already I know he has a good sense of humor, a lovely Jamaican accent, and he promises to do everything in his power to convince us not to be in the art field and if we are still in the class at the end of the semester than we are meant to follow this path. Um, can we say deep? Love it. Anyways this class seems to be alot more challenging than I anticipated. I was expecting a lecture course with lots of principles and theories of design, the kind of course where your notebook is filled to the brim. No cigar. We will be receiving plenty of lecture time but we also have art projects where we have to apply the principles we learn. I was expecting to only be doing projects for my Drawing I class so this was another workload added but I think I am up for the challenge.

-Drawing I-I love my teacher for this class. Okay, I shouldn't get hasty I've only had one class so far but I predict that I am going to love her. She has dyed orange hair, big huge cocktail rings on every finger, has met Andy Warhol ("I loved his work but hated the man.") and told us how in her day they used prisoners for models in her life drawing class and the sheriff would bring the prisoner in with a rifle pointed at their back! Crazy stuff! Love it. It seems like we are going to be doing a range of work in the course and I am nervous because while I always did cute drawing for projects in high school I don't know if I can hack it in a real art class. She seems to understand that a lot of people are newbies (I mean it is drawing ONE) so hopefully she won't be too harsh!

-Typography I-Fonts. Letters. Helvetica. Love it! This was the class I was most excited for because honestly, typography makes me tingle. I was almost going to get kicked out of the class because I hadn't taken the require prerequisite course (why they let me sign up for it then I don't know) but we worked with Adobe Illustrator during the first class which I've had an introductory course on before so I knew my way around and after class she told me I seemed "bright" and since I didn't have any trouble with the first assignment she recommended I stay. Whew!

-Karate-BEST CLASS EVER! Sorry to cap attack you but seriously this class is too much fun. My kyoshin or karate master reminds me of a 70's kung fu movie soul brotha ninja. He is so kind and enthused about teaching us. He focuses on teaching us moves that could help us if we were ever attacked because he believes even if we don't continue study in karate we all should leave the class knowing how to protect ourselves in the world. It is a great stress release. However, I need to learn to let go and feel empowed more. I am only one of three girls in a class full of boys but I am trying to let myself feel strong and not "weak" or "feminine." I want to karate some serious booty!

-Electronic Darkroom-I feel a little more at home here since this is a Photoshop class focused on retouching and restoring photographs. We are working with CS4 and I have CS3 which I am extremely familiar with so it's still a learning process for me. One of our upcoming assignments is to bring in an old black and white photograph and we are going to enhance and restore it. I am going to use one of my grandmother and her sisters when they were young and send the new and improved copy to her. We get to work on these beautiful Mac monitors. They are HUGE and so sleek. I am in computer love.

-Family Sociology-This is my most eclectic class filled with so many different kinds of people and that is perfect for a sociology class because we all have so many different life experiences to share in relation to our topics. I find in sociology classes people are more open because the topic is so completely relateable. I can already tell it is going to be a great discussion class. My teacher is beautiful and has the most wonderful curly hair that I am in total envy of. On top of that she is also finishing her dissertation for her docotratal degree! I am inspired by strong and intelligent women and she is definitely that!

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Okay so school can't be all sunshine and dark chocolate. This week was also beyond stressful. Both of my art teachers assigned a ridiculous amount of supplies to be obtained before the next class. On top of that there are over 200 students all shopping at the same three art/craft stores in our area for the same exact supplies. Everything was sold out or the store didn't have the exact brand my teacher asked for. I was either in class or shopping for supplies in between classes. I was out from 8am-930pm and then I couldn't sleep because I was so stressed about the supplies I hadn't found that day. On top of all this my dad is out of town for a business trip and I will admit he is the only one who can really calm me down when I am spazzing out. I get anxiety attacks often because I have trouble coping with stress or worry. I mean I cried in my car because I couldn't find art supplies! Somewhere in my mind I know this is ridiculous but my emotions still get the better of me. Once I have all my supplies and remember where all my classrooms are I will be better. Hopefully. I am also trying to still continue going to the gym because last semester I got so busy with school and work that I was too tired or didn't have time to go and then I ended up feeling crappy because I wasn't working out and I was self loathing and insecure and basically I just don't want that to happen again this year. I want to keep releasing those endorphins and staying healthy. I feel like if I say it here I will be more likely to feel some responsibility to follow through with it.

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Sorry for lack of blogging, I am usually more frequent. I am going to try and post entries a minimum of once a week if not more. Anyways, I'm off I go to watch Top Chef and catch up on all of your wonderful blogs before I hopefully fall asleep. I have stress induced insomnia so who knows. I hope you all have had a great week thus far! Also forgive my use of the phrase "love it!" so frequently in this post. I kind of feel like Paris Hilton right now. Ew.

kalamata kraze

2009-08-21T13:29:00.009-04:00

1) tomatoes soaking up some rays 2) bitter greens with kalamatas and tomatoes 3) my weird version of grilled cheese

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My dad is growing and buying tomatoes like a fiend. They are everywhere. I think he should limit himself to only homegrown because I feel like our house is overflowing with them! That plus a jumbo container of kalamata olives and my diet has conisted of nothing but red and purple these past few days.

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We all suffer from online addictions. Fffound, facebook, youtube, flickr, you know the deal. My most recent obsession is goodreads.com. I first stumbled across this site when searching for quotes from my favorite books. It's basically a great site for bookworms. You can rate books, add them to your library, find quotes and write reviews. I like using it to find out what other people have said about/rated a book that I am thinking about reading. It's also a great place to discover great new books you've never even heard of. Okay enough dorky ramblings.

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I am looking foward to school starting next week. I'm sure in about three weeks in I will be ready to curl back up into the lazy days of summer but for now I am happy. I just read the syllabus for my my electronic darkroom class and it seems like it will be intense but I am excited to expand my knowledge of manipulating images with Photoshop. Maybe one day I can get a job at Cosmo or Elle and make normal women look like spindly "perfect" beings? Kididng.

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Two awards in one week! I can't believe it either. Thank you Lina! In passing this award on I must include this:

In this post, I want to hand out the "Better than ice cream" award to the 3 blogs that for whatever reasons has caught my attention lately. Someone who's blog is inspiring me, someone who has done an exceptional job with their blog or just made me think diffrently about something...
The whole point of the "Better than ice cream" award is for the bloggers who recieve it to then pay it forward to the 3 bloggers who have had that same impact on them. It can even be to the blogger giving it to you, as long as you also give to 2 other bloggers to keep it moving forward!
If you recieve this award more than once, just headline it xthe number of times.
(the purple text is to be included in the blog post when passing this on so it keeps moving).

I am going to pass this to three lovely ladies who have blogs with a creative flair that make you stop and stay awhile:

-Eliza of Restless Hearts-You will feel like you have stepped into another world. This blog includes inspiring images and words.

-Adela of Pink Champagne-She is beautiful. Her vintage clothing is beautiful. Basically her whole blog is just filled with beauty.

-Amy of My Pointe of View-She is always sharing great things she finds whether it's new music, books, or images. I come away from all her posts with something new to love.

2009-08-18T14:30:00.010-04:00

1) Me and Hodge, she makes the best faces!. 2) Together forever 3) We like to hide behind trees in Barcelona

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The past four days have been the most entertaining and wild ones of my entire summer. I am feeling a bit empty and sad to have them come to an abrupt halt. My dearest friend Hodge left last night and she had to pry me off her suitcase to get out the door. I wish I could say I am joking about this but that really happened. I have abandoment issues. We filled our time together with no sleep, deep conversations, dorkiness, boat rides, pesto, Panera breakfast, naps at the beach, swinging, and so much laughter my stomach was clenching in pain. I never feel so comfortable as when I am surrounded by people who know everything about me, all my faults, and still love me anyways. I love you Hodge. We have traveled the world together, we have cried over the deepest pains, and we have made a promise to always pick up the phone and be there for each other. Me, Kelsey, and Kim felt whole with you finally here. We will miss you but we won't let too much time pass before we are all together again. Here's to friendship!

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Sorry to gush but I am overflowing with love at the moment. I hope that you all had a wonderful weekend and that your week is off to a great start. This is my last week of summer since I shall be returning to school next week and I am trying to squeeze in finishing my last few library books and watching Alexa Chung since I know I will soon be extrememly busy. This summer was simple, slow, and sweet. The best kind. What were your favorite memories, moments, or laughs of your summer?

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Nicola, who can be found Inside the Cabinet of Wonder, has bestowed another award upon me! I feel so lucky and loved : ) Thank your so much!

I would like to pass this award on to: Lizzie, Scarlett, Shelby, Mayte, Jessica, Onic and the lovely ladies Sherin and Leia of Hi Fashion. I would also include Lina on this list but she has already recieved this award because she is so inspirational : )

postcards and shiloh

2009-08-14T13:40:00.007-04:00

(1. Me 2. via the daily beagle)

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I am thinking about starting a postcard collection. I am probably the worst candidate to start an any kind of collection because I am already prone to clutter and holding on to random things like movie tickets stubs and parking tickets receipts (just in case they ever try to say I didn't pay! I'm paranoid I know.) I was spurred into this thought because I bought these swell postcards yesterday at Barnes & Noble.

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Side note: I just texted my father a picture of my clean room. His response: "OMG you have a floor, lol" Where did he learn "omg" and "lol"? He's too hip for his own good.

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...Anyways I am into postcards. All my friends will be going their seperate ways soon for school and I still have a pen pal promise that I need to make good on so these cards will be put to good use indeed!

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Does anyone remember Shiloh? The book about the boy and the beagle he saves? I was beyond obsessed with the book series and the movie. When I have my own little house with a nice yard I want to rescue a beagle from a crotchety alcoholic too!

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This week has felt so rushed and filled with busy things like dentist and doctor offices. I'm glad it is finally the weekend and I am about to burst with anticipation because my best friend lovingly known as Hodge is at this moment as I type driving four hours to come visit! You know those girls in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? Yeah, well they got nothin' on me, Kim, Kelsey, and Hodge. We are having a love fest reunion tonight and Hodge is staying until Tuesday hopefully so I may be a bit absent from the blogosphere for a bit. I shall return though : )

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So if you've seen 500 Days of Summer I hope your remember the penis shouting scene in the park? One of my favorites because I am the type of person who would find that extremely amusing (I wish I was more classy, oh well.) My new thing is to try and make my mom do it in public places. I switched to saying "vagina" however because we went to the gyno that morning and vaginas were on my mind. It goes a little something like this:

Location: Trader Joe's (hippie grochery store with organic this and that out the ying yang)

Me: Mom let's do the game

Mom: Kaitlyn Marie, no stop it.

Me: *in a whisper* Vagina.

Mom: Nooo!

Me: VAGINA!

Mom: *laughing while trying to push the cart away quickly and act like I'm not her daughter*

We also met this crazy tie dyed old lady who obviously had been on one too many acid trips in her day because she was convinced the pattern on my shirt was "like so totally amoebas."

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Have you checked out the blog Rebel Girl yet?

Go now!

2009-08-10T12:55:00.016-04:00

(1. Chris Craymer photography 2. Getty Images)

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Monday Monday Monday.

I hope everyone had weekend that could be placed in the "swell category." I sure did : )

Friday: I had a doctor's appointment too early for the likes of me-9:30am. I somehow managed to shut off all three of my alarms and fall back to sleep. Luckily my internal nagging voice got me up at about 7:50 and I was able to make it on time. Can I just mention that I dislike having to get up early, drive a long way to a doctor's office only to be seen for a few nano seconds and be referred to another doctor that you have to make another appointment for. It's very time consuming trying to maintain your health. I quickly came home ready to crash since I had been roused from my slumber far to soon when my mom called me sounding slightly nervous. She was having an allergic reaction (nothing too serious, just red, scratchy skin) and wanted me to come with her to the doctor. I got right back up and we were off to be sent to numerous points of the hospital before we finally got a prescription to stop the reaction. It turns out she was allergic to this medicine she just started. This is why I rarely take any kind of medicine, it freaks me out. My mom is very resilient because if I was recovering from an allergic reaction I would just want to go home and hide underneath the covers but she insisted that we go to lunch and a movie, which I must confess I didn't mind. We had Mexican food at our favorite restaurant and then we bought tickets for 500 Days of Summer. We were a bit early for the movie so we went to the bookstore right next to the theater and got iced coffee and black licorice. I got The Pact by Jodi Picoult (Kim convinced me) and it's my first time reading anything by her. I am almost finished and it really is a great story, the kind that jumps around from different character views and from the past to the present so you are dying to find out what happens. Let's just say it involves a potential suicide pact or a potential murder and star crossed lovers. I have stayed up far too late the past two nights trying to race to the finish because I have to know what happens but my human weakness of sleep finally takes over. I'm almost finished though!

...Anyways 500 Days of Summer was sad, romantic, true to life, and relateable. I was nervous about seeing it because I hate when critic reviews build a movie so high up that you are usually slightly disappointed because they led you to expect too much. 500 Days did deserve its accolades. I loved the artistic aspects of the film and the characters although it lost momentum at some points but then recovered and picked back up. I would see it again and ask for the DVD as a holiday present so I think that hints at the fact that it gets my seal of approval.

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Saturday: I literally spent the whole day watching Food Network (I love the cake challenges!) at my mom's house. She still wasn't feeling 100% back to speed but she looked so much better. Anyways she just wanted to stay inside and wanted some company so I went over to provide mine. We ate sweet potato crisps and both ended up taking naps. Good, relaxing day indeed.

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Sunday: No one I know wanted to see Julie & Julia. I mean no one, it was quite sad. So I decided Sunday should be a "matinee me day" which is where I treat myself to breakfast and a matinee movie (it's times like these I realize I sound like an old lady, oh well.) I went to Panera and got a bagel and chai tea latte and then headed for the theater. I really enjoyed the movie. I love the fact that it's not based only on Julia Child's life but Julie Powell's as well. Meryl Streep was of course amazing. Her portrayal of Julia Child had me feeling like an idiot because I laughed more than anyone else in the theater. I loved Amy Adams as well. She was just such an everyday girl with slip on Vans and tousled hair. It was a far cry from Enchanted and I think it showed how versatile she can be. Although I was convinced of her versatility as an actress when I saw Junebug. Anyways it was lighthearted and a very warm story, perfect to see on a Sunday afternoon. I should also interject that I am simply horrible with navigation. I mean I have lived in this city most of my life and driven the same streets and highways but I still find myself making a wrong turn at times and ending up lost beyond belief. This happened on my way home from the theater. I took the wrong highway exit and ended up in the dodgy part of town where about 95% of the crime happens. Yeah, I realized my mistake far too late. I saw a lone strand of weave lying in the middle of the road and the the numbered street signs and I knew I needed to get out of there as soon as possible. Thankfully no stray bullets found me.

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thoughts..

-I saw the trailer for The Lovely Bones. I mean Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, and the girl who made you want to rip out your hair in frustration in Atonement for ruining everything-sounds liks an all-star cast to me. Peter Jackson is directing and from the preview I can tell it's going to be beautifully made. I mean LOTR was breathtaking (I am nerd, forgive me.) So I am most definitely excited.

-Have any of you ever had a personality clash with someone your parent or sibling is dating? You just find yourself at odds with this person? I am currently going through this and it upsets my family member. I'm not exactly sure how to navigate so I was wondering if any of you had any sage advice or experience.

-How many times did I use "far too" in this entry? Far too much.

underwater

2009-08-06T02:13:00.010-04:00

dustin humphrey photography

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I love when it thunderstorms at night and I sit alone in my room with all the lights out and my soft comforter wrapped tightly around as I listen to the beautiful chaos erupting outside my window. I love the unexpected crack of thunder rumbling through my bones and the metallic slap of rain drops falling hard and thick against glass. I feel giddy with equal parts fear and delight. When the raging winds stand still and the clouds roll back I walk outside to the driveway relishing the feeling of wet pavement beneath my feet. I love thunderstorms.

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If you have a little time...

-You should read: The Visibles by Sara Shepard

-You should watch: Grapevine Fires-it's sad but beautiful.

-You shoud cook: Anything from here. Especially if you are a vegetarian like moi : )

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"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining

under the weight of lives I'm not living."

-jonathan safran foer

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PROMOTE HARMONY

(it makes the world a little brighter)

it's electric!

2009-07-31T12:20:00.020-04:00

I want to hang out with her for a day.

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Thoughts...

-Whoever my barista was this morning-kudos. That was a delicious cup of coffee. I hope I didn't scare you with my purple Christmas tree pajama pants.

-It's kind of a perfect day outside at the moment. Kind of. If it rains a little to cool the temperature off just a tad more that would be brilliant. Then I would go in the backyard and set my feet in the soggy grass. I love wet grass on feet, the little bits of green that stick to you and follow you back inside to your dry house. Sighh..I'm just craving any kind of weather besides hot and humid. Oh fall, please arrive quickly.

-My dad is practicing his turkey calling in the backyard. It scared me until I recognized the noise. I shouldn't know these things.

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Have you ever stepped Inside the Cabinet of Wonder? If you haven't then you should. It's kind of like the wardrobe leading to Narnia except instead of meeting up with Aslan you get to read the thoughts of a very unique, smart, and wonderful gal who happened to bestow this award upon me:

thank you!

In accepting this award I must reveal 7 interesting things about myself. I don't know if I deem these responses "interesting" but here goes:

1) I am officially a BIG fan of the Wendy Williams Show. "How you doin?" is my new phrase. 6pm is my new favorite time of the day. Sorry Oprah.

2) I love group dances like the Electric and Cha Cha Slide. I know. I am definitely that crazy person who will get up and dance with one of my friends at a party when everyone else is sitting around akward and shy. I love to move (even if it's not well) and not take myself seriously. Have fun-it's electric! Boogie woogie woogie!

3) I should sign up for GCA (Gum Chewer's Anonymous) because I have a severe addiction to Trident! I can go through a 60 pack in a week. I know it's awful! I can go without. If I wanted to. But I don't. I don't need help!

4) I don't have my ears pierced, bringing a new meaning to the term "virgin ears." This girl on my soccer team in high school was obsessed with my earlobes. She thought they were so soft because I had never pierced them. She would scare me when we were waiting in line for a drill by coming up quietly behind me and rubbing my earlobes.

5) Me and my dad have the same exact scars on our hands. It's creepy.

6) I have curly toes. Especially my pinky toes.

7) I like prunes! Everyone is revolted by my love for them. I mean I guess it's only an acceptable food if you are a senior citizen but whatever. I don't eat them constantly but if there happens to be some around I'm not going to turn down a perfectly dried plum!

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Okay, so those are 7 interesting, maybe strange, things about me. I hope you don't think I am a soft earlobed, prune eating, gum chewing, dancing freak. Oh wait, I guess I am.

tag!

Lina Jessica Shelby Kim Lizzie Kate Ninja Mayte Abs Scarlett...this is alot of tags but I read so many blogs and love them all so basically if I am commenting on your blog that means I find you pretty darn "Kreativ" and I think you deserve this award : )

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Note: I've seen this award/tag floating around on a few of your blogs so if you already have done this disregard my tag or share 7 more interesting tid bits about yourself : )

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and off she skips

I'm off to the gym, on a Saturday. I have no life but at least it will be longer of a no life if I keep up the cardio! I'm going to drive my dad's girlfriend's car today. Driving other people's vehicles make me anxious. It's like taking care of their first born or something...have a great weekend!

to me, you are perfect

2009-07-28T12:36:00.019-04:00

i have to remind myself sometimes.

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(VISUAL AID)

I got this idea from Kate at For Me For You (one of my favorite inspiration blogs.) She did a wonderful post titled "10 movies I love for the visuals" and I was salivating at my laptop screen because she highlighted so many of my favorite films! I also have a deep admiration for films that are so visually beautiful that I could turn off the sound and still sit in front of the screen totally captivated. Her list included some of my ALL time favorites: Baz Lurhmann's Romeo and Juliet (Me and my sister were beyond obsessed! We picked characters and shouted Shakespeare lines at each other across the living room.), The Virgin Suicides, Atonement and Everything is Illuminated. Our tastes are so similar but I did not want to repeat her list so I racked my mental cinematic archives for movies that have visually moved me and came up with the following 10 (however, 10 is a small number in comparison to how many movies I have stored in my heart.)

Hard Candy-This is one of my top five movies of my life but storyline and Ellen Page aside the director of photgraphy Jo Willems and director David Slade put so much thought into the look and feel of the movie (I watched the DVD special features so I know these things.) The colors and widescreen shots make this gritty film beautiful to view.

The Tracey Fragments-The style of this film had alot to do with how our mind works, how we don't just think in one constant stream but numerous fragmented thoughts at a time. The screen breaks into multiple views throughout the film making it visually interesting and the bare, cool colors with lots of blue tones compliment the direction of the story.

Sleepy Hollow- It's hard not to love all things Tim Burton and this is my favorite of all his work. I love the haunted forest style gothic imagery. The ghostly makeup and mute, rich colors make the visuals spellbinding.

Into the Wild- I am a sucker for great scenic shots. I have numerous screen caputures saved on my computer of Emile Hirsch outlined against beautiful landscapes. You feel like you are traveling in this film.

A Series of Unfortunate Events-First off, I want my name to be Violet Baudelaire. Okay, now that it's been stated I can declare my fascination with the dark whimsy of this movie. It's seems to be a trend that I am attracted to cool, darker toned films...maybe I am dark soul. Cool man.

V for Vendetta- This movie is not completely visually impressive. I mean it is one of my favorites because of the story, but there are only a few key scenes that I thought were shot so beautifully incuding the one featured above.

Like Minds/Murderous Intent (films tend to get new names when they come to the states)-I just recently watched this film and while there are murders and internal organs it is in my mind extremely superb visually. The wide shots of the English countryside and gothic boarding school are among some of my favorites and the grey, dark and cool (there's that word again) tones really add to the twisted story line.

Love Actually- Oh finally a warmer toned film! Hail the sunshine! Not to get all simpering willy nilly school girl on you but I adore some of the imagery in this movie. It isn't groundbreaking by any means but certain shots I could put on continuous play.

Marie Antoinette-Many find this film "slow moving" but I think it's because we have become so accustomed to fast past action and predictably climactic romantic movies that we forgot the simple beauty of subtle film making. I mean it was filmed on location at Versailles so that provides fascinating visuals from the start. I love the use of bright whites and soft blues and pinks. Let them eat cake because this is a visual feast!

Pride & Predjudice -My love for scenic shots made me want to jump through the screen and live inside this movie. My two favorite scenes: 1) Keira Knightly spinning on the swing and 2) Keira Knightly walking to Mr. Bingley's with that single tree framing the shot.

What films strike you as visually captivating?

- - -

I was tagged by the lovely Monica to state 6 things that make me happy:

1) Axe men's deodorant. I steal my dad's all the time because I like the clean, simple scent.
2) Ginger snaps
3) Boxer shorts (also stolen from my dad. I am quite an annoying daughter)
4) Having long hypochondriac conversations with Kelsey. We are convinced we have numerous ailments.
5) When the library has great new movies to check out.
6) Trident 60 pack

I'm supposed to tag but I already tagged many of you in the "6 things that induce smiling" which is similar to this one. I will, however, make sure to tag the wonderful Kate because she gave me permission to tag her an unlimited amount of times. This is the first of many girl : )

organized chaos

2009-07-25T12:47:00.009-04:00

1. The current state of the floor area right beside my bed. 2) My bedside table. Can you tell I really love Powerade and generic sparkling water? 3) I love the design on this Starbucks gift card cover.

- - -

My room has fallen into an unbelievable state of clutter. I'm not sure how this happened. Okay maybe I know. I'm pretty sure it went a little something like this: one night when I was actually going to go out somewhere I was sighing and tossing everything out of my closet thinking "I have nothing to wear" and then realizing "It's hot as dragon balls outside so who cares?" After all this fretting I ended up wearing the very first outfit I tried on (isn't that the way it always goes?) and then leaving the twenty odd outfits I vetoed on the floor. Also I have an awful habit of leaving empty bottles and coffee cups in my room, that combined with library books and random DVDs and this place is a bona-fide mess. Oh well, that's just how I roll.

- - -

My dad made my day by giving me a $25 Starbucks giftcard (it's kind of sad because that will only get me about four coffees since they are VASTLY overpiced.) His job randomnly gave out gift cards and since he hates Starb's I benefited from the generosity instead. I was excited to use it but also anxious because I always have this overwhelming fear that gift cards I recieve won't work at the register and then I will be severely embarassed when I have to put what I planned on purchasing back. I don't trust cards. I trust cold hard cash. Anyways I went to go start on what I think will be a four day coffee binge this morning. I agree that Starb's has some less than stellar coffee but their frou frou drinks like frappacinos and sugary flavored lattes are pretty boss. I got a light blend mocha frappacino, came home, and simply sat in the parked truck with the windows down, the seat reclined back, and enjoyed my coffee delight. My neighbors stared (I was just sitting there for thiry minutes) but whatever I was parked in a prime shady position and the breeze was nice.

- - -

I am attempting to read Marcel Proust's Swann's Way. Sometimes I like to challenge myself with the classics. It's rather long but I was watching the episode of Gilmore Girl's when Mr. Medena lends a copy of it to Lorelei and I just thought, "I should read that." Side note: I always wanted Lorelei to end up with Mr. Medena. He far surpassed Chris or Luke in my opinion.

- - -

thoughts:
-Did you know Alice in Wonderland has the official trailer out? I know you all share my excitement. You can check it out here. I don't know if I can wait until March 2010!
-My sister and her giff are back from vacation. I'm happy they are home safely but it makes me feel self-conscious about having my little photoshoots in the backyard. I got used to having the house to myself.
-The Real Housewive of Atlanta (my guilitiest pleasures of all time) is coming back at the end of the month. I love NeNe!
-I saw The Ugly Truth last night. Usually I don't spend my money on movies unless I am 99% sure I am going to love it because I'm a tight wad but my sister's giff was off work last night and she really wanted to go so I decided to tag along. I was really blown away by how funny it was. Katherine Heigel was so in her comedic glory a la Knocked Up. It would be a horrible date movie though because at some parts the feminist in you is screaming, "guys are swine!" but it's all in good fun. Plus I have a lot of wonderful guy friends who prove that the aforementioned exclamation is not true for every member of the male species. But yeah, it was side cramping laughter funny although still a predictable romantic comedy.
-I can't believe Paula isn't coming back to American Idol. I don't even watch American Idol but I mean that is just cold. Those producers know with her being strung out all the time the only job Paula can do is sitting in a chair and mumbling "You were great!" when Randy kicks her under the table. Poor thing! I do love "Straight Up Now Tell Me" and Scat Cat : )
-Have a Tony the Tiger grrrreeeaatt weekend! (I hate Frosted Flakes. Peanut Butter Captain Crunch pwns!)

six things that induce smiling

2009-07-22T11:43:00.012-04:00

I was tagged by the lovely ladies of Hi Fashion, Leia and Sherin, to list six things that are currently making me grin from ear to ear. Here they are:

1. Matt and Kim's album Grand.

This has been playing while I run engergetically around my house attaking my dad with a Party Boy style dance yelling "Yeah Yeah!" It has also been keeping me WAY pumped at the gym. I find myself tapping the elliptical handles in time to the amazing drum beats of Kim. I am proud to say I even got my dad to do a little dance to this. Yep that's right, It is infectious enough to make a conservative, retired Marine get down!

2. Sabrina Ward Harrison.

If you don't know who she is please run out to your local bookstore like NOW! Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself defined my high school years. Her books are a mixture of art, collages, quotes, journal entries, and personal thoughts. She is completely honest and open and you will finish her book thinking, "I thought I was the only person who felt that way."

3. Taking Woodstock

I saw the preview for this before Away We Go. Let's see why is this making me smile? Cast list: Demetri Martin and Emile Hirsch-enough said. Um and it's based on a little event called Woodstock. Epic. Check out the trailer here.

4. Old school Gilmore Girls

I love the beginning episodes of Gilmore Girls. The Chilton struggle, the Dean years, back when Lane had a dad (never shown of course.) I love every season but it's nice to remember where it all began. Is it weird that I would totally buy the Stars Hollow film set to live in?

5. Starbucks iced coffee

My iced java lover.Oh yes I've had you three time this past week. Nothing compares.

6. Teen Spirit deodorant

I asked my dad to pick me up some deodorant. I was expecting my usual, Degree or Dove. My dad came home with a Teen Spirit stick. I haven't worn this since 6th grade! I thought it was so cute that this is what he would pick out for me. I have been walking around with an intense strawberry smell for a week.

- - -

I am tagging the following bloggers:

Shelby, Mayte, Lizzie, Scarlett, Ninja, Lina, Jessica and Brie!

I actually tag the whole blogosphere but these are the ladies I suspect would actually want to do this. If anyone else does please go ahead, I read all your blogs and would love to know what is making you smile : )

- - -

I'm off because I actually am going to be efficient today and get some errands done, including paying my tuition for school which is quite important! I also need to return my library books which is equally important. Have a great Wednesday (I always have to Google the spelling, I get the whole"dnes" part backwards and sideways.) If you are in the middle of a hard work week-it's almost over! If you happen to be in the middle of a boring week-it's almost the weekend! So either way it should be a good vibrations day : ) Thank you for commenting/following!

transatlanticism and rough water

2009-07-19T20:21:00.013-04:00

Sunday on a boat

I am quite exhausted but I want to get in a weekend entry before totally vegging out. So weekend highlights:

- - -

Friday: Girl's night in because well, honestly we couldn't think of anything to do. Sometimes that's the drawback of living somewhere for most of your life-you feel like you've been everywhere and done everything. We did however decide we needed some refreshments so we stopped by Walgreens to get drinks (green tea for me please!) and when we were walking out I set off the burgular alarm! It was really embarassing. They made me come back inside and searched my bag in front of everyone who was waiting in line (I died!) They of course didn't find anything because I don't have sticky fingers (I consider myself a rather honest gal actually. ) They released me but then the alarm went off again! They made me hand over my keys and phone to see if that was the cause. I tried again. Beep! No luck. They took my wallet. Beep! Nope. They took my whole bag. Beep! Nuh-uh. Then this creepy cosmetics lady came over and started to pat my sweater down (at this point I thought, "If I just make a run for it will that automatically incriminate me?") Things got serious and the few ladies working conferenced in a tight circle deciding what to do (If they mentioned "body cavity search" I was demanding a lawyer.) The verdict: "Let's page Tawana." I was imagining some scary, buffed-out, security lady but it ended up being this pretty young girl around my age.

Walgreens Ladies: "We have taken everything from her and she's still setting off the alarm."

Tawana: "Okay then let her leave." *walks away annoyed at their stupidity*

I think I'm going to boycott Walgreens.

- - -

Saturday: After being in glasses for 2 months straight (I haven't found time to get my contact prescription updated) I finally went to the eye doctor and got all checked and got my contacts. It's so nice to not have to wear glasses with my sunglasses over them anymore ("six eyes!") Anyways, we (that is my dad and I) had to get our eyes dilated and when we left we realized we were hyper-sensitive to the sunlight-seriously I felt like a Cullen (...yes I just made a Twilight reference. Deal with it.) We argued about who was going to drive home because we were both squinting so bad we couldn't see. My dad lost because he had brought sunglasses. We stopped at Subway because even though blind we were still hungry. I got my usual (veggie delite!) so I didn't need a menu but my dad wanted to be all adventurous and try the new flatbread and it took him FOREVER because he could not see the menu. After about an eternity at Subway we went home to sit in the house with the curtains closed.

...Saturday night: Round two for Harry Potter. I went with my sister, Erica, because it's a tradition we have to see the movies together in the theater since we grew up going to every midnight book release then coming straight home to start reading. There was also alot of fighting during those years because we would get mad if the other person got ahead and alluded to what was going to happen ("Oh my gosh it's so good! You won't believe what Harry's going to do!" followed with: *tears* "Mom! Erica is giving away book details!" We were geeks. Still are.) Anyways, we saw the movie-loved it again and my sister made my night with this:

Me: "I know it was no one's fault that the first Dumbledore died but he really was the best embodiment of the character."

Erica: "I know!"

Me: "But then again he was really fragile looking and the second Dumbledore appeared fit enough to pull off how physical Dumbledore had to be as the series progressed."

Erica: "Plus, the second actor needed time to grow out his hair and beard for the role."

Me: "Erica? You know that's not his real hair. He doesn't walk around in his real life with a beard down to his knees.

Erica: "Oh!..."

Me: *dying with laughter*

She's 22 mind you.

- - -

and Sunday (err..today): I woke up, got my java fix, and then I went out ALL day on the boat with my madre, her beau, and Jordyn (the little white poof featured above.) We went everywhere via the waterway and came across the cutest little port called Smithfield Station with all these wonderfully hued houses. When we were going too fast for conversation I sat on the back of the boat singing along to Death Cab. Then we docked and ate a simple dinner of tandoori curry naan, pesto, and strawberries. It was a really great day. The kind where you are tired from too much sunshine and wind. I predict I am going to fall into sleep easily tonight for the first time in a long time.

- - -

What did your weekend include? I hope good people and lasting memories!

apples and scrabble pieces

2009-07-16T16:54:00.006-04:00

1) I've had these sandals for almost two years. 2) Keeping the doctor away 3) When I'm not playing Scrabble I still find good use for my pieces : )

- - -

I slept in today. I listened to Megan Tonjes (her voice is simply amazing.) I fell in love with Allison Weiss, she is adorable. I ate half of a Ritter Sport. I did some laundry. My sister is somewhere outside of Maryland right now and she is supposed to be arriving in about four hours! I have missed the insanity with her constant overreactions and hypochondria. It will be nice to have the crazy energy back in the house. This weekend I am supposed to be going on another boat excursion and I am excited because as you know last time I forgot my camera so as long as the weather stays nice I will be able to get some of the shots I missed out on before : )

- - -

"What do you do? You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything to seriously. Plus, I look foward to a good cry. It feels pretty good."-Garden State

I cry whenever things start building up too rapidly inside of me. I might not even be remotely sad. Sometimes I will study for a test for hours and afterwards I will feel so anxious that I just cry to release the pressure. I hate getting in fights with people because if I'm really frustrated I will start crying and then I feel stupid. At school if I was having a really stressful day I would ask to go the bathroom and I would cry silently in a stall until I felt balanced again. I mean, I'm not simpering twenty four hours a day but every once in a while you just need to cry! I hope your day wasn't filled with tears or maybe it was and that's perfectly fine too. I don't know where I'm going with this. Let's end it here : )

spilled popcorn

2009-07-15T13:20:00.026-04:00

"I haven't seen you dress up in like...forever."-Kim

It hasn't been THAT long. Okay maybe ever since summer started I've been wearing Soffes, plaid shirts, and boy jeans. Its hot and I don't care! Anyways, I got a bit swanky last night for the HP premiere because to me that's a special event. I even busted out my knee high Nine West boots because it was an unseasonably cold night and I could sneak in some fall wear. Let's move away from clothing commentary. I was really disappointed in the lack of extreme fans in costume at the premiere. I didn't even see one dad dressed like Hagrid : ( I was glad I went to the premiere because I wouldn't have been able to sleep last night without seeing the movie but it was SO crowded and I am a big fan of matinees when you basically have the theater to yourself so it was bit overwhelming for so many bodies to be in one theater with only two emergency exits. Also there were annoying and not respectful fans who were a bit rowdy in the beginning but calmed down quickly enough. I think I am going to go see it again tomorrow but a matinee showing this time because I'm a socially akward old soul like that ; )

- - -

I was tagged by the lovely Lizzie, so here goes:

1) What have you been thinking about lately?

-My future and where I'm going in this life. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by possibility. I used to live in a world where everything was what I had to do and now I can act on any whim. The scariest thing is when it's truly all up to you to succeed or fail and there's no one standing behind you in case things go wrong. This is called growing up.

2) What's been on your mind?

-HPB, the post office, grochery lists, my mom, haircuts, frozen strawberries, concerts in DC, the real housewives of Atlanta, bug bites, library due dates. I think I told you before I was scatterbrained?

3) What are you excited about at the moment?

-School. I am so happy with the classes I'm enrolled in and I just want to continue rolling this ball towards finishing my associate's degree so I can feel halfway there! I also just want to get back to more daily human interaction. I sometimes worry when I'm alone too long I start to turn into Emily Dickinson. I can get down with solitude man.

4) When was the last time you made a difference to somebody?

-I feel like I made a difference to a certain friend of mine when she was going through bit of a rough patch in her life. We racked up alot of hours on the phone. It's not really "making a difference" though it's just called being a friend in my world.

5) Who are you really happy for at the moment?

-My friend Kim. She got a job this summer and she is working towards getting her license. She is just making alot of big changes and working very hard. I guess I am technically more proud of her.

6) When was the last time you felt inspired?

-Watching Away We Go and taking pictures of a pair of old boots.

7) If you could be in your dream place at the moment what would you be doing?

-I would be in St. Paul, MN eating my grandmother's strawberry pie, playing some intense rounds of Scrabble, and it would have to be winter so me and my cousin James could go for a walk in the woods over frozen water, get lost, and then bicker over who knows the right way home. Answer: me!

8) If someone were describing your personality what would they say?

- My yearbooks usually contained phrases like "girl you are crazy!", "wild thing!", "I can tell you anything." From this I gather than I am outgoing to a fault, hyper and borderline ADHD, and I strive not to judge people.

9) What are you most proud of?

-How hard I have always worked at my education. It's something that is really important to be. I am also proud of myself for going after my dreams. I am going down a different path than all of my friends (college wise) and sometimes it feels a little scary but I am still going.

10) What's been tempting you lately?

- Bookstores and coffee shops. They want my money! (okay, fine my dad's money.)

11) What's been the most consistent thing in your life?

-My life is in a constant upheaval. My relationships are always growing and shifting and I am constantly learning and changing as well. My sister is probably the one aspect of my life I know is unwavering.

12) What do you love about people?

-How every person contains a different story and outlook on what life is. People are like books to me and I want to see what is behind every cover. I love the range of personalities that can fit inside let's say..a classroom. The fact that each of us is so distinctly different amazes me.

I shall tag the following bloggers: Mayte, Shelby, Eunice, Kim, and Ninja.

okay here are my Harry Potter thoughts...

WARNING: Possible spoilers ahead but I think most of you have read the books so then there isn't anything to spoil really. However there might be some scenes I mention that were created just for the movie and in that case you could be spoiled...like expired milk. Ew I know, so proceed with caution.

(all photos courtesy of Warner Bros)

Harry + Hermione= BFF

I liked how Harry and Hermione openly talked about their romance woes over Ron and Ginny to each other and just seemed so supportive in the movie. I really loved how their friendship was depicted. I thought some of the most humorous scenes were with their characters interacting and also the more emotional ones as well. The dynamics between their characters was probably one of my favorite elements of the film.

it's my movie and i'll cry if i want to

Emma Watson was simply superb. She has really grown into an amazing actress. All of her crying scenes were so real and beautiful. I think she depicted the range of emotions Hermione experienced in HPB perfectly. Sometimes I am just amazed at how well the actors bring these characters to life.

couture hair

This hair style was after Hermione had just finished a rough potions lesson in the film but I actually really like it. I know I'm strange but I could envision Emma rocking this in a photo shoot.

akward pause

This is my one and only complaint about the movie-Ginny and Harry. I love their romance don't get me wrong but some of the scenes made me shake with silent laughter. Ginny feeding Harry? C'mon! Also the dialogue in the big kiss scene attempted, I gathered, to be a bit cryptic and sexy-ish (not really cause this is primarily for a younger audience) but it was just...strange. Daniel I love you, I really do, but this kiss was a bust. I liked your snog session with Cho better.

finishing the ramblings...
-Hero Tiffin (11 year old Tom Riddle) and Frank Dillane (16 year old Tom Riddle) brought the perfect blend of creepy yet persuasive air JKR depicted Riddle possessing in the book to the big screen. I got goose bumps.
-Who were those female red headed twins wandering around the movie? Padma and Parvati have that covered okay?!
-I actually didn't cry when Dumbledore died. I know! I was surprised at myself but I have already cried and grieved his fictional passing so I was emotionally prepared to see it.
-The special effects and overall artistic direction of this movie was truly breathtaking. It's amazing to see the progression from the Sorceror's Stone to HBP.
-Kim fell asleep during the movie! (Sorry I had to call you out.)

Final note: Basically I loved it like I have loved every other HP movie. Granted, there were ALOT of changes. I'm not going to list them because honestly-it didn't bother me at all. The changes they made were to make the movie flow better and for people who have never read the books able to still understand and enjoy it. The movie was great and had alot more humor than previous ones. It lived up to the Harry Potter standard in my opinion. So just enjoy it for what it is: a movie based on the greatest books series of our generation.

Can't wait to hear all your thoughts!

old tomatoes and old boots

2009-07-14T16:33:00.012-04:00

1) These are my dad's old boots that I like to wear when I go outside to write, read, or lie in the grass and get eaten alive by summer critters. 2) My dad all of a sudden has a green thumb. He leaves his vegetables out to "sun ripen" and sometimes forgets about them. 3) Black & Green Organic chocolate-yum!

- - -

Oh tonight will be filled with excitement. Everyone knows why. 12:15 tonight! Yeah, that's right I will be in the theater with Kim awaiting the glory : ) How many others are catching the premiere?

Last night me and Kim recited the quick witted lines to Juno. We are not lame, it just happened to be on tv and once I said one line then Kim joined in and before we knew it we were caught up in reciting the movie until we were interuppted by her brother. We snapped out of our Juno coma and returned to normal functioning human beings.

Today I went with my mom to her doctor's appointment. Everything is a-okay, sometimes people just like a hand to hold in the waiting room (the doctor's office is a scary place after all.) The only bad news is she scheduled me an appointment for next week-gahh! The doctor and the dentist rank high on my least favorite places to go. I am filled with horrible images of needles and drills. After the doctor's we got Starbucks and watched It's On with Alexa Chung. Then my mom got voted my favorite person of the day by taking me out for Panera greek salad and chai tea : )

- - -

"We felt the imprisonment of being a girl, the way it made your mind all active and dreamy, and how you ended up knowing which colors went together. We knew that girls were our twins, that we all existed in space like animals with identical skins, and that they new everything about us though we couldn't fathom them at all. We knew, finally, that girls were really women is disguise, that they understood love and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them."

Jeffrey Eugenides

- - -

thoughts:

-I am a bit obsessed with dark chocolate. Green & Black's Organic chocolate is my new favorite. It's good for the earth and your tastebuds : )
-I love when I call Kim and wake her up. When I hang up the phone I wonder if she will remember the conversation or think it was all a dream.
-Have you ever heard of AshleyMadison.com? It's like eHarmony but for cheaters. Yeah, that's right cheaters! It's a social network for people who are looking for an affair. It takes alot for something on the internet to surprise me these days but this sure did!

-The Wendy Williams show is my new guilty pleasure-how you doin?
-I want to give a BIG thank your to Lina for my first blog award : D

virgins and frozen strawberries

2009-07-13T15:38:00.010-04:00

1) susylee flickr 2) via ffffound.com 3) me

- - -

i grabbed some frozen strawberries

so i could ice your bruisy knees

but frozen thing they all unfreeze

and now i taste like

all those frozen strawberries

i used to ice your bruisy knees.

-chairlift

- - -

I wish I could say I accomplished more today but I just read, added about 10 websites to my every expanding favorites (thanks alot ffffound!) and ate frozen strawberries (which are becoming my newest vice.) I need to go to the post office but I will go tomorrow... Kim got our tickets for HBP! I think that was the most exciting text I recieved today. I will try to live a more blog-worthy life. Maybe I will become an avid sky diver or rodeo clown. Oh well, Mondays aren't designated fun days anyways. I'm going to tidy up the casa, hit the gym, and then go spend some time with my kindred spirit Kim : ) Hope your Monday was top notch : )

this is kind of how I feel about alot of relationships lately...
- - -

thoughts:

+I am sick of poor man's pasta (throwing a bunch of random things with noodles.) We need to go grochery shopping.

+I didn't watch Gilmore Girls at all last week. I barely watched any tv as I recall. I go through stages between being addicted to my favorite shows or hating everything on the television. I'm in a hate stage right now I think.

+Ughh...school please start!

+I am addicted to acoustic and cover versions of songs. I am loving Lady Gaga's acoustic "Poker Face" (she has a very Spektor/Nash quality to me if you take away all those club beats. She even plays the piano) and any cover by Ben Lee.

+I hate doing the dishes! I am going to start eating foods that don't require plates. Apples, sandwhices, granola bars...etc.

{infinite well wishes!}

books and perfume bottles

2009-07-12T12:35:00.018-04:00

(Megan Ingraham illustration)

- - -

I am reading Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger at the moment. Alot of people say it was a failed attempt at trying to reach the glory of The Catcher in the Rye but so far I disagree. Having an extremely famous book or song I think is sometimes harmful to an artist because then people are always holding a comparison in their minds. I dig your work JD-brush off the haters.

- - -

I don't know why I wish I had a briefcase lately. Our desires aren't always rational. I just think they are swell.

- - -

runaway hound, bagels, and hats

Last night I went to Kelsey's house because we were both dying of boredom and decided we should die of it together. About thirty minutes after my arrival we realized her pooch Lucy had gotten out of the backyard somehow (Lucy is a really sensitive dog and scared of nearly everyone unless she knows them so she is probably the worst candidate for being lost ever. ) We quickly sprang into action and patrolled the neighborhood in the Jeep, calling and calling for our loveable furry companion for over an hour. No luck. We went back to the house to get flashlights and set out to search the neighborhood again on foot. It was nearing midnight so we decided to put up a few signs in the hopes that someone had her and would bring her back as soon as possible. I left Kelsey looking very sad and I drove home feeling equally as glum. It was just a sad ending to a day.

Then...this morning I got a text informing me Lucy had returned! She just waltzed back home herself. She gave us heart palpitations and tears that scoudrel! But all that matters is that she is home.

This morning my dad lured me to come to Dunkin' Donuts (he is addicted to their coffee) with the promise of iced coffee and a delicious bagel. I literally just woke up so I went in a pair of his boxers (I steal them) and I had to confiscate his hat to cover up my bed head. I didn't even brush my teeth (that's kind of gross but I mean it's DD not the Grammys.)

- - -

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well than that's just great."-Carrie Bradshaw

(I've been watching alot of Sex and the City reruns on TBS lately.)

- - -

thoughts:

-Ever since I upgraded to Internet Explorer 8 my internet has been all wonky. I want to de-grade please.

-I am finally starting The Virgin Suicides. I know, I know, I am probably the last person to read it. I have always loved the movie though-who doesn't? (I know I said I am reading Franny and Zoey but I like to read a few books at a time. I have attention span issues.)

-My biff Kim is reserving our tickets for the midnight showing of HP&THBP! (check out those abbreviatiosns!)

-It's grey and humid and gross today ruining my Sunday which is usually my favortie day of the week because I feel like the earth is just quieter.

-Bagels are filling.

weathered pages

2009-07-10T15:12:00.011-04:00

all above images/text phtographed from:

I got this book while volunteering a few months ago. They had too many donated books that weren't selling so they told the volunteer staff to take what they wanted (I was in heaven.) I took way too many though and I am still getting around to reading all of them. I was rifling back through them and I came across The Medium is the Massage which is filled with bold images, quotes, and musings on the media and our lifestyle in response to it. My copy was used and there are all these great personal thoughts of the previous owner scribbled throughout it. It was a pretty epic find I must say. I also scored a really old school boy scout handbook which has all these great illustrations and cheesy sections like "how to behave at a social gathering" right along with practical ones like "how to start a fire." One of the books I read right away and I HIGHLY recommend is Love Story by Erich Segal which was published in 1970. It was a really big book during it's time. I would make the comparison to say it was the Twilight of the day. I was reading it one day behind the register at my old job and this middle aged woman walked by and in a tone of shock asked, "Is that Love Story?!! I read that when I was your age!" I love connecting with people over the written word. Do any of you love books from the past? A classic piece of literature or an obscure unknown?

everything
we
do
is
music.
-j.cage

I've been noticing alot of shows I want to buy tickets for this fall but I often make the mistake of purchasing a ticket for a date when I have school and I will just assume that I can skip and when the day begins to near suddenly my teacher will schedule a test or speech or something else vitally important to my success in the course and then I have to break my neck trying to complete the assignment, go to class, and reach the show I purchased tickets for. I really want to see a few bands though so I guess I shall just have to fall back to my poorly planned habits : ) Taking chances. This is life. Are you planning on attending any foot tapping shows in the forseeable future?

- - -

thoughts:

+I finished HP7 last night so my rereading cylce is through. I always feel so sad when I finish Deathly Hallows because I remember all over again that it's over. I found myself trying not to cry too loudly (it was 3am) when Harry goes into the forest to meet Voldemort and the Resurrection Stone brings his parents, Lupin, and Sirius to be with him. Ahh, I'm about to tear up again-let's move on.

+Today my dad called me from work with the strangest request ever: would I bring him the turkey from the freezer (this is a turkey he killed!) and put it in a cooler and bring it to him because he was giving it to one of his co-workers. Now I'm a vegetarian and touching a turkey carcass wasn't on my list of things to do today but my dad does alot for me (just last night he bought me a swanky new blow dryer since mine went up in smoke last week) so I decided I would be a nice daughter and I brought him his once feathered friend. It was sad though : (

+I want the weather to be nice this weekend so I can go to the park or walk on the trail. If it's too hot and humid I don't feel like it but when it's sunny with the right amount of breeze I could stay outside all day.

+I hope everyone has a great start to their weekend!

banana nut bread & soko

2009-07-09T03:16:00.019-04:00

I have a few vices lately.

They are known as banana nut bread and Soko.

We have a loaf of banana nut bread sitting in the kitchen that has been quickly dwindling away down to only a few precious slices. I cannot evade its delicious call. I will be sad when it's gone. My dad has a habit of buying random pastries or breads so each week it is something different and sometimes very strange. Usually he picks alot of bakery discount misses that are not tasty at all (except to him) but this week he discovered my kryptonite. Thanks fahja.

I cannot stop listening to Soko. You may have heard her music on my blog (or you might just silence the noise as soon as my blog loads, that's cool too.) I love that she doesn't want to be famous. I love that the music that brought her fame she hates. I love how she is a French but loves America (particularly LA.) She is a contradiction but her music is so honest and different from anything you've ever heard that you don't mind.

+ + +

paper trails

Even though my mom lives literally two minutes away from me she mailed me a letter. It was really sweet and unexpected. When she does things like that I almost feel like maybe, just maybe, things will be okay for us.

Calling all avid readers! Go get yourself a Last Line bookmark. It marks the exact line you left off on (that's why it's called "last line" get it?...) I usually try to end on a chapter or at least a paragraph but sometimes when I'm reading late at night and I cannot stave off slumber any longer no matter how great the adventure I am reading is and I am forced to doze off mid sentence then I pull one of these out. Thanks to Kim for getting me these for christmas? my birthday? I know it was some kind of celebratory day!

+ + +

the real world, bedspreads, and red hair woes

I went to Kelsey's tonight to watch The Real World. We are quite addicted-we can't help ourselves! I am horrified sometimes at the dynamics of the females on the show. The drama, the gossip, the blow-things-way-out-of-proportion tendencies. I would like to say I am not one of those girls but I know even I have fallen prey to these bad, bad, BAD behaviors. Don't we all? (Just say that you do so I don't feel bad-thanks.) Why ladies of the world? Let's open books and close our ears to nonsense so one day we don't end up in a house with seven strangers where our emotional derailing is televised. Just a thought.

The thing I love most about Kelsey is that we talk. We talk about any and everything. Whenever I go home after being with her I feel as if I have detoxed. I feel light and understood. We can lie down on her bedspread, propped up on our elbows, and talk for hours. We talk about life and things that make us ache. We talk about how our hair turns red in the sunlight. We talk about where we will be someday. We promise that wherever we are, we will be together in our hearts. Friendships cannot be described or contained. They have their own gravitational pull. I want to stay a part of that force forever.

+ + +

i hate talking on the phone.

i always hope for voicemail.-postsecret

(This could have been my secret! I have phone anxiety. I hate calling/talking to people I don't know well. I hide behind text messages as often as I can.)

thoughts:

+I love that I know the floorplan of my house so well I don't need lights. I can walk around in the dark because my feet always know their way.
+I wish I had been able to sleep tonight. It's almost 5am. The night is starting to make anxious. I'm just not sure why.
+This summer is being defined by Crystal Light slurpees from 7-11. Whenever it is a particularly hot day I crave one like a preggers lady wants pickles and peanut butter (I hear this is a common pregnancy craving. I cannot vouch for the accuracy as I have never been up the spout.)
+Poor E. Watson! Her knickers all exposed at the HP London premiere! I respect her for at least being sensible enough to wear knickers considering the trend in young Hollywood these days.
+I am thinking of starting a quote book. I see so many phrases and words that move in some way and I want to keep them all.

wishing i could whittle wood

2009-07-07T11:02:00.017-04:00

flickr find/riebirne

+ + +

click to enlarge : D

Photo courtesy of Warner Bros and edited with a little humor and boredom by me.

Rupert Grint has swine flu! No worries, he's going to be fine (he better be-I want my 7th movie! and for him to be healthy too, not just for my purely selfish reasoning...)

+ + +

girls in jackets

streethearts

I really love the look of women in mens style jackets. I wish it were cold enough for me to run out and buy some. I'll just wait for the crispness of fall.

+ + +

home

( 1. the selby 2. John Peden )

I WANT TO LIVE HERE

there is a house built out of stone

wooden floors, walls, and window sills

tables and chairs worn by all the dust
this is a place where i don't feel alone

this is a place where i feel at home

-the cinematic orchestra

+ + +

Do you know the feeling when you are on a swing and you reach the very top and you can no longer see the two chains that tether you to the earth and for one brief second while you stare at the sky, you feel like you are flying? That is my favorite feeling.

+ + +

Last night I went to Kim's house. We read people's facebooks in funny voices, jammed to Rod Stewart, and we were going to have a Harry Potter movie marathon but then we got sidetracked by this movie Bruno about this little boy who wanted to wear dresses. It was really heartwarming. I mean if girls can wear pants why can't boys wear a skirt or a dress? Hello, kilts? Then we watched Smart People because I love Ellen Page and Kim loves smart people in general. Kim was tired (due to the fact that she works alot lately-bummer) so she went off to bed and I stayed awake for a while and then went to read in her guest room (yes, I bring books with me most places I go, you never know when you will have an oppurtunity to read.) Is it strange that I love being the last one awake in other people's homes? I feel like for a moment I could pretend it was my home, my life, so that I can feel like I've lived many different places and experienced different lives. It could just be me.

thoughts:

+Freshly laundered bed linens are heaven.

+I am half-way through with cleaning my room. I am amazed at how many things I leave on the floor. Chapsticks, books, water bottles, bobby pins, bandanas, socks, paper...I'm disgusting.

+I put in three job applications yesterday! I just feel better about myself now that I am back to putting effort in my job hunt.

+For the girl inside of me who wants to dance with glowsticks on tabletops New Young Pony Club's "Ice Cream" is the jam.

lazy sunday wake up in the late afternoon.

2009-07-05T11:56:00.023-04:00

My July 4th was filled with boat rides, grey waves, watermelon slices, Vans with holes, reading in the sun, and fireworks raining down on the river. I spent all day on the water, lying on a boat in my favorite purple plaid shirt as the water rocked me back and forth. When night fell the patch of sky above the marina was filled with glittering fireworks. I forgot how magical they can be.

- - -

PRACTICAL MAGIC

I watched this last night. It made me want Halloween, true love, and a big old house filled empty glass bottles and potted flowers. I also wouldn't mind jumping off rooftops with an umbrella to float me down. (Could that ever work? Maybe from a low height...I probably won't try.)

courtesy of Warner Bros

"Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes when the wind is warm or the crickets sing...I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon."

- - -

WANTS

TOMS shoes! I love these : D

- - -

ART CANDY

(ANDREW HEM)

Andrew Hem does it all from interesting sculptures and drawings to paintings. There is alot of emotion in his pieces. Sometimes I wasn't sure what I was feeling, I couldn't define it. Sad? Seperated? There is a variety to his work including pieces like breakdancers and room mates so don't think it all invokes grey feelings. Plus it could just be my internal melancholy projecting.

thoughts:

+I was frustrated with myself for leaving my camera at home yesterday. I missed alot of beautiful shots on the water. I am trying to get better about taking my camera with me so I can post more photos on here.

+All of your comments make me smile widely : D<---like that! I love getting to know all you unique and wonderful bloggers!

+It's grey and rainy today but I love it.

+Have a lazy Sunday! I know I will!

look outside. it was meant for you.

2009-07-03T15:41:00.015-04:00

courtesy of Focus Features

Yesterday I decided to get out and do some things that make me feel good. I've been kind of in a little bit of a funk since I still haven't found a job (although I admit my efforts are diminishing as the days pass) and I feel bad using my dad's money all the time. I know he doesn't mind but I just felt like a contributor to the household when I could buy things for myself and fill up his truck with expensive gas as a thank you for being a pretty swell fahja.

Anyways, so yeah I was feeling a little bit down so I got up and set off to do a few things I enjoy. First I went to see a matinee of Away We Go which made me feel so happy I though I would burst into shooting stars and soar around the theater. Seriously it was aces! I don't want to give any spoilers but I recommend you see it! Then I went to browse the bookstore that was about two blocks from the theater (I hate window shopping but I can handle book browsing even when my funds are low.) I started reading this book called The Sugar Queen and got through the first chapter and it already had me hooked. I was tempted to just swipe my dad's card for it but my goal is to only borrow money for necessities like gas, etc. (although in my world books would be considered a necessity.) But then I had a thought: I should just go to a place where anything I want to read is FREE!! Yes, that magical world known as the public library is where I scurried off to next.

I decided I would just try and see if they had The Sugar Queen although my hopes weren't high because even though our library is great at having current fiction this book was published recently. Amazingly they had it! I then scurried (I'm sounding like a rodent with all this scurrying) off to search the massive rows of books to find my gem. So after I scored some serious library swag I went hope to read for hours. After exercising my mind I felt I should go give my body equal attention and went to the gym which is SO much quieter at night. I think I am going to start going only at night, it's basically empty except the staff. I felt like Gwyneth or Madonna with my own personal gym. All in all a very good vibrations day.

This book is filled with extremely quirky characters. It's not my usual genre of reading tastes but I still enjoyed it immensely. Just imagine a 27 year old woman still living with her mother, who compulsively hides candy in her closet. Her existence is a bit...drab until one day she find a woman living in her secret closet. That's all I can give you without giving away all the plot surprises. A great read though. I finished it last night because I couldn't put it down.

courtesy of Grand Slam Productions

My sister always call me Johnny Depp. She thinks I look like his character from Secret Window because when I wake up or am just hanging around the house my short hair is unstyled and wavy and I of course have my glasses on. She thinks it's really funny.

You know the deal.

Countdown!

(I'm hoping that's Ron's keeper gear?)

+ + +

ART CANDY

( Fumi Mini Nakamura )

I first saw Yumi's work in Nylon and I immediately cut out her drawings and put them on my inspiration board. I love her whimsical fairy tale/danger vibe. I am really jealous that those shoes were made for a special event because I would buy them!

thoughts:

+I redid my header. I have taken no worthwhile photos lately though so i just decided to play with the name and color. I like the blog looking a bit more clean however.

+While rearranging my layout I accidently deleted my blog list. If you notice your blog isn't listed under there anymore let me know! I know that not all of the blogs I listed follow me so it was hard to remember them all.

+I am debating what to eat for dinner. Veggie pizza? Veggie sub? I guess I can't really go wrong.

+What are your July 4th plans? I feel lame not doing anything exciting.

Have a happy and safe July 4th! I am sure yours will be more entertaining than mine!